Help! My sink overfloweth!
Remember that I just said I have a lot left to learn when it comes to successful homemaking? Well, here's one area I really need to improve in and was hoping you all could help.
Almost every morning in the last month, I've been waking up to something like this:
Yes, it's bad. And there's nothing quite like waking up to a sink full of dirty dishes to start the day off on the wrong note.
I know the simple answer is that I should just wash them before I go to bed. I know I should, but I'm really struggling to actually do it.
Jesse works pretty long hours--especially when factoring in his commute--and since I'm here with the girls all day by the time dinner is over with, I'm exhausted and ready to drop into bed myself. And I usually do just that as soon as the girls are ready for bed, I've nursed Kaitlynn, and we've had family worship. Which leaves the ever-growing pile of dishes to tackle in the morning.
I normally wash this gigantic pile of dishes straight after breakfast. Then I do as much of the dinner prep as possible before lunch so that I can wash all of those extra dishes with the lunch dishes to help reduce the pile of dirty dishes which seems to multiply later in the day. However, by the time dinner is over with, there is a whole new stack of dishes calling my name. And my bed is calling my name louder.
What do you do to avoid an overflowing kitchen sink in the morning? What works for you?
Note: I thought I should mention that we have a dishwasher, but it's an older model and it doesn't seem to clean the dishes well at all. I end up having to rinse them so thoroughly to have them coming out looking halfway clean that I might as well just wash them by hand.
Note #2: I also realized that I should mention that all of you moms of three or more are given full permission to laugh at how silly it sounds for a mom of two to be so tired at night. I'm sure I don't even know what the word tired means yet. :)
Almost every morning in the last month, I've been waking up to something like this:
Yes, it's bad. And there's nothing quite like waking up to a sink full of dirty dishes to start the day off on the wrong note.I know the simple answer is that I should just wash them before I go to bed. I know I should, but I'm really struggling to actually do it.
Jesse works pretty long hours--especially when factoring in his commute--and since I'm here with the girls all day by the time dinner is over with, I'm exhausted and ready to drop into bed myself. And I usually do just that as soon as the girls are ready for bed, I've nursed Kaitlynn, and we've had family worship. Which leaves the ever-growing pile of dishes to tackle in the morning.
I normally wash this gigantic pile of dishes straight after breakfast. Then I do as much of the dinner prep as possible before lunch so that I can wash all of those extra dishes with the lunch dishes to help reduce the pile of dirty dishes which seems to multiply later in the day. However, by the time dinner is over with, there is a whole new stack of dishes calling my name. And my bed is calling my name louder.
What do you do to avoid an overflowing kitchen sink in the morning? What works for you?
Note: I thought I should mention that we have a dishwasher, but it's an older model and it doesn't seem to clean the dishes well at all. I end up having to rinse them so thoroughly to have them coming out looking halfway clean that I might as well just wash them by hand.
Note #2: I also realized that I should mention that all of you moms of three or more are given full permission to laugh at how silly it sounds for a mom of two to be so tired at night. I'm sure I don't even know what the word tired means yet. :)
Labels: Home Management and Organization
posted by Crystal Paine at 8:00 AM
104 Comments:
Have you considered a dishwasher? I say that kind of tongue in cheek, but also totally seriously. I have three children, and babysit. I would spend all day at the sink without it. They have portable ones that you hook onto your sink and then roll away, so you could take it with you to another house.
If that's not an option, how about enlisting Jesse's aid? Either you wash and he dry, or if that's not his thing, maybe he could just sit at the kitchen table and keep you company. It might turn into a nice quiet time of conversation for the two of you.
Dana
I have a dishwasher so I use that which is generally run at least once a day (depending on what I am doing that day) but I do wash a lot by hand too (esp pots and pans they take up a lot of room in the dishwasher)
When I wash by hand I do them as they get dirty, I have found this is the only way they get done in a timely manner!
I can't be much help... the main reason my kitchen has been happy to see in the mornings lately is that my sweet husband has been helping with the dishes after dinner.
I do have one suggestion though! I've been trying to tackle dishes in small quantities throughout the day, not even taking out my drainer. I just soap up a washcloth (no water in the sink) and wash the few dishes I have (this could be done with the rest of the dinner prep dishes while something is in the oven too), and leave them to dry in the other side of the sink. If there is time I towel dry, if not, I just return after a few minutes to air dried dishes.
Hope this helps!
Blessings,
Babychaser
Hmmm, well I just do the dishes! Sounds simple but I grew up where you washed up as soon as you ate, and just carried that on. My dh is away for a whole 24 hours (morning to morning) and sometimes 48-72 hours leaving me with two high-needs children (4 and just 1) and I still wash the dishes, largely because the kitchen is so small I literally cannot cook or even boil a kettle unless I clean up. Maybe you just don't hate doing dishes in the morning enough to motivate you? What about a "reward" when you get them done, just for a while.
I feel your pain. I am notorious at this, whether or not I have a nursing baby.
Even though I have a dishwasher now, I didn't for MANY years. As it is, there are still things that have to be washed by hand and I procrastinate, too.
One thing I do that helps is to keep a bottle of clean, soapy dishwater on the counter at all times. (Fill it mostly with hot water, add some dawn.) This way I can wash dishes as they happen without filling the sink or wasting soap by squirting straight soap on the sponge. (The idea of a sink of water turning cold grosses me out.) Obviously, the water in the bottle cools over time, but I just rinse with hot and we're good.
Just squirt some soapy water on your sponge and wash that dish as it's dirtied. Otherwise, I often just push myself to stay up a little later to get it done. It makes a huge difference in the morning.
Plus, my husband often does them for me. As our family has grown, my husband has really helped a lot more with the after dinner cleanup. It frees us up to spend more time together in the evening.
Take heart, you will find your groove!
Hi Crystal - of course, only you can decide what works best for you. But, I used to struggle with this myself - I would get so weary of looking at a messy kitchen when I started off my day. I remember a friend telling me she didn't go to bed until the kitchen was clean and I felt too tired to do that. But, I did start trying. Oh, what a difference it makes to start your day with a clean kitchen.
I do have a dishwasher and I know that helps a lot, I load it all day and run it every night before I go to bed. This is my first chore after breakfast, to get it emptied for the day.
Also, when loading the dishwasher, I wash anything that cannot go in the dishwasher so that when I go to bed all the dishes are usually taken care of.
I like Dana's idea of enlisting your husband's help either by keeping you company or actually helping with the dishes.
I kind of look forward to the day that my girls can help out with things like this! :)
I hope that God will help you as you seek Him on what will work for you in this!
Monica
I have found that setting my timer and washing dishes just for 15 minutes makes a huge difference! I usually end up getting all the dishes done in that time, or only have a few left and just finish them up quickly.
We also have an old dishwasher and I have to rinse pretty well. We have found that keeping our hot water up a little hotter than we used to helps to get them cleaner. And I also use a pretty nice dishwasher detergent with a rinse agent in it. (Not very natural, but I want the dishes to look clean!)
I love your blog, Miss Crystal. :)
I'm eighteen, and I clean our dishes (generally -my brother dries and puts them away, and helps with other around the kitchen chores). My brother and Dad go out of town about a week out of every month (with days spread out), and it's hard for me to clean the entire kitchen alone... I get a little lazy. :)
One thing I've found very helpful is our household rule that everything that goes into the sink has to be rinsed. For us, that means that we run a sponge over the dish, rinse it, then run the garbage disposal.
This way, when I get around to loading our dishwasher, all I really have to do is put the dishes inside, not rinse them all at once. And even if they're left until morning, when I get to them, they've already been rinsed really well, so it's pretty simple to pop them in the dishwasher.
Another thing I like is draining boards. Sometimes, it's easier just to wash dishes without worrying about drying them, so it's nice to have a draining board so that, when they're rinsed, you can just stack them and come back at your convenience.
Anyway, that's what I do. :) I find washing dishes can be very therapeutic -it's been my brother's and my chore since we were about seven and ten ( with parental oversight, of course :) I feel a bit silly giving advice, though, because though I have little brothers around the same age as your little ones, I'm not a mom yet, and I haven't had to run my own house. But that's what I do with our dishes. :)
Jasmine
Our dishwasher is also an older model that doesn't clean very well. I've found that using the Cascade action packs really makes a difference. We use a natural detergent, too, but end up needing quite a bit of it and some stuff still doesn't come out. So now I alternate every other load with the Cascade and if something doesn't come clean with the natural stuff, I put it back in. We still only run the dishwasher once a day. (Because I make all our cleaners except dish washing ones, I don't feel so bad about using the more expensive ones if the dishes come out cleaner.)
I've also found it helps to rinse right after meals, even if the dishwasher is running and I won't load them until later.
As for the idea of leaving a little dish water at the ready, that should work fine. The soapy water does not have to be hot to get your dishes clean; it's the soap that kills the germs, not the heat. The heat helps with greasy dishes, though. (You shouldn't even need to rinse with hot.)
My biggest lifesaver when I was in my first trimester and went straight to sleep was my husband. He did the dishes the next morning while waiting for his mom to come watch the kids for the day.
Our dishwasher, also, does not do the most quality job. However, it is still a time-saving appliance, even when I have to rinse well before hand. Because we have it set to go through the drying cycle, it makes it really nice to just pull out those clean and dry dishes at a later time.
This isn't necessarily help, but encouragement. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. When all I had was little ones around there was never quite enough day (and/or energy) for all that needed to be done. Things were for the most part presentable, but there was always something on my to-do list.
That hasn't changed immensely as I still have lots to take care of, but as the kids approach 6 and 7 years old they begin helping make a dent in all that housework. Now, as my oldest is 10 and the next is 8 (and on down every two years to my 2 year old), the older ones help in a huge way. My 10 year old makes sure the laundry gets washed and dried (we all fold), and my 8 year old empties the dishwasher and helps load it as well.
We made it through the years before this stage with everyone healthy and happy and a clean enough house. You are doing so much right in training up your girls to help you that it won't be long before they will be a huge help to you.
It also sounds like you are more of a morning person, and if you have an easier time conquering your dishes in the morning, a sink full of dishes overnight is surely not the worst thing in the world. I like waking up to a clean kitchen, but at 10:30 at night I would rather go to bed and tackle them in the morning.
~Erin
I'd try what Kansas Mom suggested w/ the Cascade. I wasn't using Cascade until recently and our dishes are cleaner. I'm a mom of 3 and even though they are old enough to help with dishwashing, we let the dishwasher be our servant. I can't school three children, keep the house tidy and clean, cook nutritional meals, etc. and wash/dry dishes and keep my sanity. Our rule is we tidy our house BEFORE bedtime so we wake up to a straight house. Our homeschool schedule in the am allows for a 15 minute chore time and then we've gotta hit the books, etc. We go to school til 2:30 most days. So, put that dishwasher to work for you, Momma. She's one of your servants. :-) I'm a frugal mom, but I will spend more money on Cascade if it really works better. Some things are worth splurging on. :-)
My suggestion would be to enlist Jesse's help. My husband works very long hours, and a lot of overtime and a job that can be mentally, emotionally, and at time physically demanding. I do my best to do the dishes before bed, but if he comes home at 2am (or 3, or 4am...) and sees dishes in the sink, he knows that I had a rough night and couldn't get to them. He blesses me by doing those dishes before he gets to bed.
In your case, you might want to alternate nights with Jesse or even just ask that he do it for a week to give you the time you need for rest.
Remember... you are a NURSING mother you NEED your rest. Is is crucial to your health and the health of your child.
Dear Crystal,
My husband works a lot of hours too, and is often not at home for dinner because of his work schedule. When he is home, I just don't feel right asking him to spend his time off work standing at the kitchen sink. So...I keep a soap pump on the edge of my sink. I fill it about half way with dish soap (depending on the type of soap) and the rest of the way with water. Then, whenever I have a dish or two in the sink I just squirt a little soap on the sponge and wash it, leaving it to dry in the other side of the sink. I try to do as many dinner dishes as possible before dinner so that I only have plates,etc. after dinner. I have a dishwasher, but if I were you I would fill the sink with soapy water before dinner and clear the dishes straight into the dishwater. Then, by the time you were done cleaning off the table the dishes would be soaked mostly clean. For myself, I find that I must finish the dishes before I get my kids ready for bed or I'm sunk.
Now, if I could only motivate myself to put away all those clean dishes I have sitting in my sink-yikes!
Amy
I am with Sarah--set a timer. I know it may sound juvenile, but when a timer is going my head is saying--"its just a 15 minute clean up job--you can do it!"---Make it 10 if you are really tired. Any amount done will be better than none.
Get one of those sponges that you can fill up with soap. Then all it takes is a quick go around and rinse. Do this right away, as you dirty. Or fill your sink in the AM with hot soapy water, and do a few here and there for a minute or two.
I didn't like my dishwasher either until I got some of those Electrasol power tabs. The dishes get so much cleaner with those.
My husband hates having dishes in the sink, so I do my best to have it empty when he gets home. He often does the dinner dishes because he eats faster, although lately our son (3 yo) has been asking me to do the dishes so he can play with Daddy after dinner. We also air dry our dishes in a drainboard, so I just put them away before I wash the next meal's dishes. Not having to dry them saves some time.
Crystal -- let me second the use of Cascade or a similar dishwasher detergent. I have found that I need to do almost no prerinsing -- I basically scrape off the chunks -- and Cascade or Palmolive will get them clean. I do dislike the environmental impact, but with 5 kids and working, we'd never have clean dishes without the dishwasher.
And I, too, have a portable. Run it at night, empty first thing in the morning, load as I go during the day.
Love your blog(s). Blessings to you and yours.
D
Crystal-
I feel your pain!! I'm an "older" mom and still can't get my dishes done every night. My husband helps when he can and my boys help too. But, alas, I still wake up to dirty, stinky dishes many times. Just know that you are not the only one out there with this problem.
Kelli
I have a system that works well, even when I had a bad dishwasher. Wash all the pans you can as you cook, and put the remainder to soak while you eat. When you clear the table, scrape off solids and put those dishes to soak while you wipe off the table and clear and wipe the cabinets. The soaking usually makes rinsing unnecessary, then loading the dishwasher goes pretty fast. Even if you don't get to loading it that night, it's better to have a sink full of soaked dishes and the rest of the kitchen clean, than dirty stuff every where. But breaking it down makes it seem less overwhelming to me.
Leave them 'til morning! I find that by the end of the day I simply cannot face more dish-washing; however, in the morning when I'm fresh and rested they don't overwhelm me as much. Sounds like it's working well for you, so drop the guilt. You've got your priorities in the right place--little girls can't wait, but dishes can!
Crystal-
Having a baby will always mean that you're tired! In my opinion, it doesn't really matter how many you have- they need a lot of care.
I would do your best to get it done at night, however, your family needs you to be at your best. A good nights rest to me is sometimes just plain and simple more important.
All of a sudden the girls will be big enough to help, and they won't need so much constant care. Trust me, you will look back and realize how short the "infant/toddler season" is!!
I know it's a drag to wake up to a messy sink! I swear that the "messy fairy" visits while I sleep! Even when I've cleaned all day the chores never seem to go away!!
You already have a lot of great suggestions here. I used to have the same problem (and my husband's pet peeve is dirty dishes in the sink). I just trained myself to wash the dishes as they were dirtied. I have two boys (ages 5 and 2), who love Mommy's attention, but I have found that a couple minutes here and a couple minutes there make a difference if I can't get to the whole sink at once. I find that I am able to have a much more relaxing night once my kitchen is cleaned, so that is what works for me. Good luck!
I agree with Kim, drop the guilt. If your dh doesnt mind the dishes left in the sink till morning, leave them. My opinion is that it is better to spend that precious time with dh and go to bed with dh than do dishes. Blessings,
Lori
Since you're a renter, can you talk with your landlord about them upgrading you to a better model?
My old dishwasher didn't work very well, and the motor went bad.
They replaced it within a week of me asking.
Your landlord will probably be willing to do that, since that's likely to be a big 'selling' point to the next tenant.
Also, if you've never tried the Electrasol 3-in-1 tabs, I've found them to be amazing at getting all the gunk off dishes. Much better than any dishwasher detergent I've used.
Crystal,
I'm the mom of three (ages 4, 2 1/2 and 8 months) and I feel your pain! My husband is usually home late, too, and I am exhausted by the evening. I usually go to bed after the kids are down. Sometimes while I am putting them down I tell myself I am going to stay up and get some more cleaning done, but usually I am just way too tired!
Personally, I think that if you've gotten all that stuff done during the day and just have the dinner dishes in the sink, you are doing REALLY well!!! Congratulations! I'd be thrilled with myself.. ;) It sounds like you have a good routine going with taking care of them after breakfast.
If it's looking at them in the morning that bothers you, perhaps you could put them in the dishwasher for holding overnight? That way your kitchen would look all cleaned up and you would feel that peace of mind looking at it in the morning.
Also, I'd encourage you to put a new dishwasher on your list of things to save for. We recently got a new one and my goodness, what a difference it makes! You practically had to wash your dishes first in our older model. But our new one has a disposal in it and you don't have to rinse at all first...just scraping the major pieces of food off. It cleans beautifully and saves me so much time. With how many dishes little ones go through during the day, this has been well worth the price!
Thank you so much for your two wonderful blogs. They are a great encouragement to me!
Boy, have I been there too! What worked for me was to serve dinner earlier (like 5 or 5:30) and then I can be done with the dishes earlier. Also, while my food is cooking I try to wash up as much as possible and leave a sink of hot, soapy water during dinner so that when we're done eating I can just wash up what we used. I would hate to waste a sink full of hot, soapy water! On the other hand, some nights we have church or something and I just can't get to the dishes that night, but because I haven't been leaving them habitually I don't feel as bad about doing it when I have to.
I'm not criticizing you at all, but when I disciplined myself to do them after dinner I felt much, much better.
I admire your transparency with all of us, because this is an area of struggle.
Crystal- You're not alone!:-) I also have two (not JUST two, but two)- God knows what we need and how much to give us, and I must remind myself not to compare myself to other moms with more kids or a better schedule or whatever, but just to be obedient in my own home.
My boys are just turned 5 and 3 and keep me busy all day long. By 4pm my energy is depleted, this is why I try to take a short nap when they do or at least sit down for some quiet time while they nap, it seems to give me a boost for the second part of the day.
Also, I just don't let myself sit down after dinner, if I do, I find it almost impossible to get up and go do dishes. After dinner I start loading the dishwasher immediately while the kids wrestle with daddy or daddy draws the bath for them.
Every household is different and I think what's most important is keeping a peaceful attitude in the relationships with your husband and children.
Many times my husband will say, "Just sit down and do that tomorrow," and I do because I know that sitting with him is far more important than tidying up the kitchen.
Another thought is rinsing off the dishes as you use them, but I know this not always a possibility with little ones.
I'm sure the Lord will GENTLY lead you as you are with little ones and direct your steps in this area you seek to improve in.
His yoke is easy~
Sheila
Maybe you could tell yourself that you only have to do dishes for five minutes before you go to bed. Set the timer and you'll be so surprised how many dishes you can wash in that short amount of time.
Also, skip the whole filling up the sink with water ordeal. I just put all the dishes in the sink and squirt just a little drizzle of dish soap over all of them. Then with the water running over them, I wash them with a little brushy thing that has soap in the top of it. They are practically washed and rinsed in one step. This is a much faster way than the old fashioned way I did for so many years (I was official dishwasher at my house growing up!).
And while you're washing dishes, you can think about how very soon you'll have 2 little girls old enough to wash dishes for you :-)
Our dishwashing schedule for a family of six is as follows:
Early Morning: Empty Dishwasher
Breakfast: Rinse and Load Dishes
Lunch: Rinse and Load Dishes
Dinner: Clean cooking dishes as you go and load
After Dinner: Rinse and Load (with help of my husband)
Bedtime: Rinse and Load any leftover cups, etc...handwash anything that needs to be handwashed and put away! Clean sink out and put a clean dishtowel out for the morning.
Run Dishwasher at Bedtime
This schedule seems simple enough, but it is necessary to keep the home and kitchen running smoothly. If my sink is full of dishes, I'm never motivated to make anything else...who wants more dirty dishes? But when my kitchen and sink are kept clean throughout the day, mealtime is not overwhelming or burdensome on me. My husband just recently started helping with dinner dishes...I think he realized that he would not get to spend much time with me if he didn't help! It's so nice to wake up to an empty clean sink, with a clean fluffy dishtowel just waiting for me!
Most of the time (i.e. feeling reasonably well), I try to wash dishes by hand. And I wash them as I go. As soon as breakfast is over, I wash those dishes. If I make any muffins for the next day, I was the mixing bowl and such as soon as the muffin tins are full. Later when I take the muffins out of the tins, I immediately was the tins. And so on. Dinner prep stuff is all washed before dinner. As soon as dinner is over, clear the table and wash the dishes. Often since I'm only washing a few things, I don't even fill the sink, just use soapy water and a scrubbie.
I hate having dishes piled up, and I really don't like seeing them in the morning. So that helps me stay on track. One thing to do if you do go to bed with dishes piled up: set any pans or pots that need it to soak, and place in as much of the rest of the dishes as you can (if the contents aren't super greasy). Then in the morning you can avoid the need to scrub.
I'm a mom of 4 (ages 6 1/2 down to 10 months), and I won't laugh at you for feeling worn at times. I honestly think it's easier for me now than it was with a 3 and 1 year old. My older two can feed the baby, put away laundry, etc. The older three can pick up pretty well by themselves. The oldest can vacuum. Etc. They don't do all of these things all of the time, but they can help with those things and more. Now as I move into more than just 1 child being homeschooled, I expect my feeling of being challenged to increase :-)
HeatherHH
I think it's worth the money to get a new dishwasher. It is certainly worth the peace of mind and your land lord might give you a discount on your rent for what you have invested in his house. They often will when it's a permanent and better thing. If Jessie is too busy with work and all to help out around the house much ( I understand that, my hubby works a minimum of 12 hours a day and often many more) he may agree that it's worth the money to have some help and a little more sanity for his wife. You can research it and find the best deal. After all you are a pretty good deal finder.
I'm another "wash as you go" person. This means that before we SIT DOWN to dinner, the kitchen is clean. It is so easy to have a sinkful of soapy water and keep washing the dishes as you cook (there is always those spare minutes while you wait to stir something, and it's great multi-tasking).
Before setting the table I transfer the food to serving dishes, quickly wash the pots or rinse and soak them while we eat, this makes their washing very easy half hour later.
This means that after supper there is only the serving and table dishes to wash. My girls are responsible for clearing the table, wiping it down and sweeping the dining room, so that I can move straight into the kitchen and start on the dishes. It takes all of 15 minutes and like someone said, if you need the motivation, set a timer and remember fly ladies motto :D
You can do anything for 15 minutes! And your clean kitchen will put a smile on your tired face for the rest of the evening and the morning after.
When I'm cooking, I always keep the sink ready with hot soap water, that way I can wash as I use items. This doesn't take much time and it helps me to keep the kitchen tidy. We don't have a dish washer, so we have to hand wash everything.
We don't have a dishwasher or the space for one, so I know where you are coming from! If hubby is home which is rare, he dries while I wash. It really makes it go by faster since we can talk while doing this. Other wise I try to wash as many as I can while I am cooking dinner. Yes, we still have dishes in the sink in the morning but only a few. I only have one, with one on the way and well, I too feel tired come 7 o clock.
I have the same problem either do the dishes when you wake up or do them just before you go to bed. It shouldn't be that hard though if you do it every day you'll be able to do a sink load of dishes in about ten minutes (it used to take me 30-45 minutes but it took me a few years (I'm 16)).
Another thing to cut back on the dishes are paper plates and other disposable dishes/utensils.
Also ask someone to help and there's is always the possibility of getting a dishwasher.
http://adlynmorrison.blogspot.com/
I read your post with great sympathy. My lifestyle is rather different to yours at present - I'm single, no kids, four cats - but I'm also hating to see the sink full of dishes, especially first thing in the morning. I didn't use to have a problem - until the dishwasher broke. Now, to my mind, the solution for us both is a new dishwasher/repaired dishwasher. But until that can happen dishes need to be washed. And I hate washing dishes. Icky water. Nasty. Anyway ... yep, I know what it's like to just want bed when dinner's done (I have health issues). My solution is to have dinner, do dishes, have coffee. The coffee is my reward for staying focussed and getting the dishes done. From what you've said I'm wondering if it'd be possible to have dinner, do dishes and *then* have family worship so you'd have something to look forward to and keep you going for however long the dishes took. Also, I find it doesn't offend me to see clean dishes in the drying rack in the morning so maybe you could wash but not dry?
Crystal, I feel your pain.
I have a dishwasher that has fits. Some days it cleans dishes well and sometimes not. I really think part most of it is an operator problem. :) I didn't grow up with a dishwasher and it is almost more trouble for me to learn...and to rewash dishes when they don't get clean! So I usually just wash by hand.
Anyway, I just try my best to wash as I go. After dinner, there is usually only the plates, cups, and silverware to wash, which I usually enlist the help of the 6 yr old and 2 yr old to do. It sort of makes it more trouble for me, but I am trying to teach them that "we all eat, so we all help clean up"--home is not a resturaunt!! It does make it more cheerful with all of us doing it and afterwards we all head for baths and bed.
*Note: The "we all eat, so we all clean up" rule does not apply to my husband (when he works--3-4 12 hr shifts/week--he is not home for dinner anyway). He does a lot of other work for all of us! However, when the whole family is pitching in, he usually clears and washes the table for me. I am blessed!
Phebe
P.S. Have you thought about perhaps moving up your dinner hour so you're not so tired afterwards? We eat at about 5:30, and that gives us time to get the kitchen cleaned, have baths, read aloud, and put the kids to bed by 7:30/8:00.
Crystal, I am very blessed in that I have a husband who does the dishes 9 times out of 10 (I HATE dishes--I'd rather clean the toilet. And he doesn't mind them.), and we also recently installed a dishwasher. But before the dishwasher, we just got in the habit of cleaning as we go, and it worked quite well for us. There are also some items that we still hand wash. As I'm cooking, once I empty something out of a mixing bowl into a pot/pan, I rinse out the bowl and set it to the side of the sink. We have a rule--no dirty dishes in the sink, because we know how they will pile up. Once the pre-rinsing is done, it only takes a few minutes to wash the dishes, then set them in the other side of the sink to dry, then we put them away in the morning. Plus, if you rinse as you go, it's just a few seconds here and a few seconds there and you don't even feel like you're doing any extra work. It just helped us so tremendously to have a system in place. Hope this helps!
I have four children, but I'm not laughing, that sink full looks all too familiar. You get tired with any amount of little ones under foot. The only advice I have is to try to remember what it feels like to wake up to them before you go to bed. Someday you will get them done at night and when you wake up to a clean kitchen you won't believe how AMAZING that feels. That might help you stay awake the next night.
Other than that remember that your little ones won't be little forever, enjoy them while you can and try to ignore the stress of the dishes. Before you know it those little girls will be old enough to help do the dishes and it won't be so bad.
I'd start saving for a new dish washer. LOL They can be a God Send. (Trust me mine gets used at least twice a day.)
Crystal,
I almost laughed when I saw your picture, because I was thinking of taking a picture of my own kitchen sink and counters and posting it before and after style today. (My kitchen looks MUCH worse right now than your picture, though, and I'm concerned about what my MIL would think!) But I appreciate your guts and your humility in being so vulnerable.
Erin (5intow)--I heartily echo your sentiments. My boys are 6 and almost 5, and have become great helpers, and although I have a toddler and another baby due in August, I'm taking heart in the fact that it won't always be like this.
mm--I thought your parents' example was beautiful, and almost a bit hilarious, as I pictured the Mom going off to a sudsy soak while Dad cleaned up at the end of the day. But at the same time, that IS a great idea to spark some romance for both husband AND wife, even if it's just once in a while! I think your father must have been a very happily married man. ; )
Crystal, sometimes my husband and I trade off responsibilities; if he cooks dinner, the dishes are my responsibility, and vice-versa. While I agree with your reasonings for wanting to bless him by not asking him to do the dishes, I think that a wife and mother works all hours of the day AND night, and the husband and father can too. We can serve one another. You two seem to be very good at teaming up with one another and tackling goals and sharing responsibilities and helping one another, so I'm sure you can do this if necessary, and give him the opportunity to serve you in this way.
Although my kitchen is calling to me (I'm coming! As soon as I finish this!), here's a quick list of suggestions (some you've already heard):
1. Don't sit down to dinner until the sink has hot soapy water in it, ready for dinner dishes. Make this part of your table setting and/or post-meal prep routine. (Try to get the meal-prep dishes done while it cooks, so you don't have that AND the dishes and pans to wash.)
2. Have the kids help clear the table and wipe it off while you do a quick "dip and wipe" of the dishes from the sink into the dishwasher. The longer those babies sit, the more scrubbing you'll have to do later! And it only takes a few minutes. The kids can play while this gets done before they get ready for bed, and if it's a LOT, treat them to a video.
3. If you have any big dishes/pans to do, put them in that leftover soapy water while you get the kids ready for bed (or do the video thing). That way, you only have the big stuff to wash, which takes up more space and looks like more work, but usually goes pretty fast.
4. If you have to hand-wash and drain-dry, either get someone to dry and put away for you as you go, or dry them yourself after you've washed 10 things. I recently did this, and it's amazing what it does for you mentally! Your dish drainer doesn't get piled up, but your dirty dishes begin to vanish! I've found that once the dish drainer is FULL, I feel like I'm ready to finish, but STILL have more dishes to do, plus put the clean ones away! But if the dish drainer is mostly empty, somehow I can keep going, and maybe only a few sit out to be put away later.
5. A few random thoughts: your kids WILL one day be able to bathe themselves AND dress themselves for bed. They don't necessarily need a bath every night, either! Sometimes you can look back on your day and remind yourself of all the other things you DID accomplish or those unplanned interruptions that you had no choice but to attend to, and you can be encouraged that your sink sometimes is a reflection of that as well. You probably already do this, but DON'T take off your shoes until you are getting ready for bed. Once the shoes are off, my heavy work day is DONE. Finally, listen to some good sermons on tape/CD while you do the dishes at night (I like John MacArthur). Listening to a challenging message takes my mind off of what I'm doing, and I can hardly tear myself away!
(Sigh!)Mere talk leads only to poverty... I must now put all this into practice myself! Cheers! I'll be thinking of you while I'm scrubbing yesterday's dishes today.
Merrilee
I wanted to second the idea of trying a more expensive detergent in your dishwasher. Could you get it at CVS?
I realize that paper plates are a little tacky to some, but maybe if you used them just for the snacks and kids after the lunchtime dishes are done.
Also, we keep our sink full of hot water as I am prepping dinner. Then, as I am cooking, I can wash as I cook.
Lastly, have you considered freezer dinners, like dream dinners. I usually make 2-3 meals at once...translations...one set of dinner prep dishes for 3 dinners. (not a bad trade off) Their dinners are amazing! (you can look at their website for an idea of the dinners if you are not familiar with them) I bought the cookbook for like $12.00 and make the same great meals at home. And suprisingly they are cost effective too! We are only 3 in our family. Most of the recipes feed 6...so we just half it. After calculating the cost, most meals come out to about 2.00 per dinner! (NOT PER PERSON!)
First let me say what a sweet teachable spirit you have to let us all see your sink and then ask for help....this is truly how the body of Christ should work! I love how you daily show Who your confidence is in rather than what.
I have a few suggestions that kind of go along with much of the wisdom shared here.
1. Ask Jesse what his desires are for the kitchen and dishes. I often struggle with putting demands upon myself that my husband never asked of me. When I would finally share those things with him he was shocked and said he really didn't care about it. This seems like such a simple thing but in the daily routime of homemaking sometimes I forget the obvious.
2. Ask him if he would be willing to help. My huband often wants to help but just doesn't know what I most need and assumes I will ask for help when I need it so he waits. I in turn assume that if he wanted to help he would offer and round and round we go.
3. Make it special fun time during the day with your oldest. I started each of my four kiddos out at two, unloading the dishwasher and rinsing the handwashing dishes. I told them what fun we were going to have and I lived with all the water knowing I was training them for the future. When people comment, my response is, "I'm having some bonding time with my child." We have such special conversations about the Lord and their futures.
I organized our kitchen to facilitate the kids taking care of most of the dish work by lowering the plates, bowls etc. to bottom shelves as much as possible. The rest is "high stuff" and they put it on the counter for me to put away. My four year old still makes me close my eyes as he leads me into the kitchen to show me the unloaded diswasher. He say's "Tadah!" And I just go on and on about what a helper he is and what a diligent worker he is and how much of a blessing he is to our family. I tell him what a good husband and daddy he's going to be someday.
I made the decision at the beginning that it was worth a bunch of chips and some broken things to train them and make them know how valuable they are to our family and how needed. They love the fact that they can see that we trust them to do these "big" jobs.
Now, obviously I didn't let a two year old handle knives or oversized objects but I did start at that age to teach them how these things are handled safely. Now they have no unhealthy fear of such things but rather respect and care.
Lastly, I also agreee with the posts that said to let the dishes go! If it is a question of choosing between hubby/family time and dishes choose the BEST. You are in a precious season. Drink it in and enjoy it for all it is worth! Dishes will always be there but your family changes so quickly. Do what is truly important and the rest will get done. There have been many days when I have left the dishes to spend that time doing much more needed things. My dishes get done and my children see that relationships are more important than dishes.
I pray blessing upon you and your wonderful family and know you will hear and obey His voice, just as you always do, to the praise of His glorious grace!
In him, Jennifer
Crystal,
I have an older dishwasher too and the key is GOOD detergent. Don't skimp on it. I know you are frugal, and so am I. But cheap dishwashing liquid = dirty dishes I have found. Get a good, name brand detergent and try again and see how it goes. I only have one little guy (2.5 months) and I already can't imagine not having the dishwasher to toss everything in and not have to worry about. So I say give it another shot!! Try Electrosal! :)
I agree with the clean as you go and asking DH to help comments. Also, please don't feel guilty for being exhausted while having "only" 2 kids. Whether there are 2 or 12, kids are hard work! Especially when you have very young ones as you do. I have none and there are still some days I am tired.
Oh, and I would really talk to the landlord about a new dishwasher! Today! lol
Hope you find a workable solution!
I highly recommend trying Cascade with jet dry. Buy a small bottle (a small investiment) and see if it makes your dishwasher useable.
At present, I work away from home during the day so the only dishes that our family actually has are the dinner ones for now.
I try and wash what I can while dinner is cooking, then we eat, I load plates and such in the dishwasher and immediatly wash what I can't put in the washer. The hand washed dishes are left to airdry and I turn the washer on before bed. My husband usually sits in the kitchen and either reads/visits with me or on (rare) occassions he helps.
If it has been a very busy day, or it's nice out and we want to spend some time outside that evening or I'm feeling particularly exhausted (we've a 15 month old and I am expecting + I work outside the home at this time), then we just stack the dishes neatly beside the sink and I deal with them the following day.
Though I too prefer to wake up to clean dishes that just need to be put away (first thing I do after breakfast)...I also don't worry too much about it as long as I have scraped them off and put them into a tidy pile by the sink.
Someone commented long this line earlier and I whole-heartedly agree: dishes can wait, family can't.
On my planner page from Graceworks it reads:
"This day will be marked as a success in eternity, NOT BY WHAT I ACCOMPLISH TODAY, but because I aimed to follow Christ radiantly, reflected by a heaven-directed heart, a joyful spirit, a welcoming & (increasingly) orderly home, wise minutes, healthy choices & LOVING, EAGER RELATIONSHIPS.
(emphasis mine)
I try to always have the dishes washed before going to bed but even then I seem to always have some stragglers.
My daughter's husband works very long hours as a professor and doesn't get home until dinnertime. She decided long ago she would much rather spend time with him than do dishes.
She rinses them and puts them in the sink to take care of in the morning. If she is pregnant or allergies are bothering her... the rinsing may not happen. That's the only time she gets frustrated now as it is much better to wake up to rinsed dishes with no food hardened on them. :)
Kids and hubbies will remember your company and not the dirty dishes.
I don't think it's a sin to leave the dishes until morning. Having said that though I find by doing that - a 15-minute job becomes a 30-minute job because of dried-on food etc.
I've rarely ever had a dishwasher in my life. So I am very used to doing it. I have a small family, but on the other hand because of that I am the one to do the job. There are days I don't want to tackle it either, that's normal.
If you can look at it that you are actually "saving time" by doing it now, that can help. Also, maybe setting a timer as someone mentioned. Sometimes we think it's a bigger chore than it really is. You could set up a sink of hot sudsy water for the dishes. This helps to get off any food as much as possible & lessens your workload.
I am sure that Jesse is very tired at the end of the day, but you are tired too. I don't see it wrong to ask of his help. How about doing them together once in a while? It goes very quickly that way. If I am not feeling well, he may do them entirely. I try not to tax my husband with more than necessary, but we work together to do what needs to be done.
For myself it is discouraging to wake up to a big sink mess that I know will now take me longer to do. When your little ones get bigger you will have more help around the home.
I also don't have a dishwasher, and I feel your pain (I also don't have a washer or dryer, but that's another story).
A couple of weeks ago I hosted a dinner party and the dishes really piled up (I think I used every clean dish in my kitchen). It took me weeks to catch up, but it was a good lesson. It is so much better to do a few dishes everyday than to have to do 50 dishes over the span of a couple of days.
Having a few younger kids is more difficult than having more kids of all ages. Remember, when your kids get older they will be able to help you with the chores.
I just thought of something too that may seem known already but is more preventative. When I am cooking and baking, etc. I will try to use less dishes to cook. I also would make sure that everyone uses 1 drinking glass/cup per day (rinsing it out in between). By cutting back on what is used, it can make a big difference.
Crystal- I don't have any dishwashing tips for you- maybe just keep a sink of hot/warm soapy water in the sink all day and then wash as you go?
My real reason for commenting is your last statement- stop with all that! Your life is full. Twenty four hours a day will fill up no matter how many children you have or do not have. Please don't seek to 'justify' your statements about being tired. It's ok. Really.
I only have two and it's plenty hard! :) However, I do want to encourage you -- my 13 and 10 year old boys do the dishes every night now! They rotate on who's day it is and it's WONDERFUL! The only day I do them is Sunday -- I have WAITED for this season of my life! LOL
BUT....before this, I would often enlist my husband. Would Jesse be open to this? What we did is to work together after supper and that would be our boys' "alone time" or maybe we'd let them watch a video or they'd have what we called "room time" or "playpen time" and we'd take that time to tackle the dishes together and also use that time as our opportunity to chat and talk, too. We loved it and considered it 'quality time' for those 20 minutes or whatever it took to get everything cleared away. I think when you approach it as an opportunity to spend time together, it makes things seem 'easier' and at least you're not doing it all by yourself. :)
I agree with suggestions to set a timer. I only have to worry about the dishes for me and my hubby, but sometimes I get overwhelmed. It is amazing how much can get done when I set a ten minute timer.
We do not have a dishwasher. One of the things I started trying a few months ago is putting the dish drainer in one side of the sink. Since that side is no longer available for dishes to accumulate in, I have smaller batches of dishes to wash. I also have more counter space since the drainer is off the counter.
When I make a meal that requires several pots and cutting boards I try to wash as I go. I can wash the cutting board I used for the chicken as the chicken cooks, I can wash the pasta strainer as the pasta mixes with the sauce, and so forth. Every little bit helps.
I wait until morning to do all my dishes too, it does cut away from a lot of family time if I do them at night.
Something I have done to help me not feel so overwhelmed is that we rinse and stack ALL the dishes as we dirty them. They never sit in the sink, I stack them on the counter.
It really helps washing the dishes go by faster, and it makes it seem like less work when the bowls are rinsed and stacked with other bowls, and the pots and pans don't have food stuck in them.
I also love Cascade! It's more expensive, but it works. I live in an area with hard water, and the Wal-Mart stuff does not do well in my dishwasher with the hard water. Even with double coupons it is more expensive, but it is worth it to me.
When I can't use Cascade, I use Electrosol and add a couple of TBS of white vinegar to the "extra" cup thing in the dishwasher. That does a respectable job, but not as well as Cascade.
As for the dishes- I do most of the loading, scraping, etc, but my husband and our roommate help me by unloading it first thing in the morning. I almost never put them away myself. I would see if Jesse could help you a bit- you do so much to serve his need and bless him, I am sure he would love to bless you in return in a way that you *need*. I can't imagine doing so much on my own, esp. with small children! Eventually they will get older and can help you more with things like this. :)
About your note #2; NOT AT ALL. I find things MUCH, MUCH easier now that I have four kids (two of them girls and over 6yrs) than I ever did having 2 under 4. Now I have learned to involve the kids in my chores and everything takes half as long despite the fact that there is twice as much to do.... something to look forward to for you! (as long as you purposefully train your children to work alongside you from a young age that is).
Crystal,
First off, GOOD FOR YOU for wanting to tackle the dishes on the counter monster! There is nothing so nice as walking into a clean counter kitchen in the morning.
You mentioned that your dishwasher is old and doesn't clean the dishes as well as you'd like. I'd still put it to use if I were you. Perhaps you could wash your lightly soiled dishes in there - water cups, sandwich plates, flatware, etc; hand wash the heavy duty items - casserole dishes, pots, pans, etc.
I also agree with a previous comment about "upgrading" your dish washer detergent to a name brand. I used to use the off-brand kind from Wal*Mart or Save*A*Lot but it never seemed to clean very well. Now I use Cascade and everything comes out squeeky clean.
Keep us posted as to what works for you!
Erin
hehehe...I loved this post! I'm an 'older' mom of three boys 12, 8, and 6, and I just spent some time this morning cleaning up my kitchen sink...which, by the way, looked very much like yours! The only difference is, I have a good dish washer, and I always get the 'dishes' washed and put away....it's the pots and pans and plastic containers that tend to get left in the sink. I could do a second load, but I don't like doing those things in the dishwasher.
So, I have no advice, just wanted to let you know I enjoyed reading such an honest post...and it was nice to see that someone else's kitchen looks like mine! Relax and have a nice day!
I work on mine alittle bit at a time. When they first start piling up I start a sink of hot soapy dishwater, don't fill it too full as it will need rewarming or a new batch of water depending on how long other things that need tending take. Wash a few here and there when there are spare moments. Atleast throughout the day it is better to have this work in progress then to have a total mess facing you at the end of the day. Just as we as Christians are a work in progress, the Lord works on us alittle bit at a time each day.
Hope this helps,
Anna
I struggle with this one too and I am trying out a new scheme at the moment. We eat later than our children but I hope it helps a bit. I wash up whilst I cook leaving the hot water in the sink and then wash up the rest (which normally isn't much)whilst the girls eat pudding. Then when it comes to my husbands and mine it is normally only a couple of plates. My husband normally does these. As there isn't a lot it isn't too bad at all.
Hope you manange to find a solution that works for you and your family. Knowing the ever changingness of motherhood once you have something will change in a few months and you'll have to re-think again! :-)
Amy.
Until about 10 months ago I did not have a dishwasher at all. And with 3 kids 2 who used bottles for a few months and then on to sippy cups it was a lot of washing. So I know what it is like to have dishes pile up. I know you have mentioned fly lady (I am like you and love to have myself dressed to my shoes...I get way more done) but her other big idea is to shine your sink. It is amazing how good you feel at the end of the day when you can look at a clean kitchen before heading off to bed. Versus how you feel in the morning when you wake up to a sink full of dishes. That was a major incentive for me on evenings when I just wanted to crash after putting the kids to bed. Also washing as I go is a HUGE help. I would try to have most of the pots, pans, bowls, utensils, etc. that I used to prepare the meal washed before I even sat down to eat. That way they could dry and be put away after I ate and then I would only be left with our plates, glasses and silverware.
Also what can take 15 minutes at night when the kids are in bed, somehow turns into a 45 minute job the next morning when you are trying to do it while they are awake.
Don't worry you are at a high demand season of motherhood and it will get easier:)
I agree with Kim's post. I have a friend who has 4 under 5. She told me she always leaves the dishes in the sink at night and spends time with her husband. She doesn't feel guilty about it, and she gets her dishes done first thing in the morning. Then you still have a clean kitchen to start the day out with, after a little time investment. I think it's just a matter of shifting our perspective. This helps me when I too am too tired to do them at night. Although I aim for that (and yes, wash as you go does help tremendously!), if I can't get them done, I just say "oh well. I'll get them in the morning" and up to bed we go :)
I wash the dishes as I use them. It's actually pretty quick this way and there is never a pile. I also just recently started using a dish washer. I usually start it when we all go to bed.
Hi Crystal: To be honest, I think you're doing all right! There were a number of great suggestions here, but I have not found one yet that works for me. My husband gets home to me fixing supper later in the evening after a long day. I do not feel right having him help me with the dishes and I think you are right on to take that responsibility. When I went to part time work and am a mostly stay at home wife, our unspoken agreement was that he would provide for our family and I would care for our home as the Bible teaches. I do not like doing the dishes after dinner because it cuts out more time that I could be spending with my dear husband. Sometimes I do rinse them to make the morning easier . . . but not always! I treasure that time with my husband and when I get discouraged at the dirty dishes in the morning, I remind myself of the precious together time it affords us. What an example for your two beautiful daughters, too, to see you caring for your husband and them first, and and working hard "behind the scenes" to keep your home in order. Besides, you said Kathrynne can help with dishes . . I remember a photo . . . perhaps in the next few years that could become mostly her responsibility. Thanks for a great blog and for your honesty - I thought I was the only one who purposely leaves dishes till morning!
One thing I cant live without is my dishwasher. I would do whatever it takes, sale whatever I had to, to replace that one that you have if possible. IT IS SO WORTH IT all the way around. Seems like you arent going to be slowing down any time soon with 2 babies. So, to help you better manage your time, I say NEW DISHWASHER HERE I COME...
Hi Crystal;
I love your blog...I am encouraged by it daily. Thank you! I have a suggestion...only because this seems to help me. Maybe right after dinner, before family worship, you and your husband spend about 10 min tackling the dishes together. I know that after dinner, once I sit down to have devotion, I am done for the day and cannot get back up. So I have to do what I can before I sit down for the night. Know that this is a season in your life too. One day the girls will be able to help you tremendously. So hang in there and just do what you can for now. May the Lord bless you and keep you.
Kellie
First, I want to say, I have a dishwasher...and lately my kitchen looks like yours in the morning 2 days out of the week. Maybe I should blame that on my tired ol' pregnant body, but it's true. I do find that if the dishwasher is emptied by someone other than me, it gets loaded and my kitchen looks good. However, since I hate putting dishes away, my counter clutters. When I feel pretty good, then my dishes get loaded or hand washed after each meal. So, my suggestion is, maybe after each meal, no matter how small, you could wash just those up. If your daughter is old enough, let her rinse with cold water. Hey, spots are better than a dirty kitchen. My 3 year old has offered to rinse on several occasions.
Hang in there. A messy kitchen doesn't make you a horrible mom. You have a lot of responsibilities. Those to your family are more important. Just as long as you aren't eating off the table. (smile)
The only advice I can give (and really have to take!) is to get up immediately after dinner and do them. Like you, I have two children and around 9 pm, my body starts shutting down and getting ready for bed.
On a side note -- it's so wonderful to see another mom struggle with the silly things.
Blessings!
Hi Crystal,
I didn't have time to read all of the posts, so I'm sorry if this is a repeat. We have been making it a family affair and it gets done rather quickly. Little boy (7) clears, dad washes, little girl(4) dries most of the dishes and mommy dries the rest and puts away (that is how I can find things when I need them, LOL) It's working for us and the dinner conversation just carries over into cleanup. Then it's time for baths and getting ready for family devotions. I hope you find something that works for and encourages you in these comments!
Oh, I also wanted to mention that the cleaning detergent really DOES matter. I've tried all the cheap ones, and what works is Cascade, especially Cascade Complete, which is pricey! So, I just make sure whenever I buy some form of Cascade that I use a coupon! :)
Before I leave my thoughts, let me say that I understand, for over 8 months last winter my husband drove 80 miles to work on California freeways, worked 7 hours, drove home so we could have 2 hours together as a family, we would put our daughter to bed and he would work for at least another hour.
During that time I did the same thing you are doing now. I did my best to do dishes through the day, but when it came to my family time at night, it was more important than dishes. Plus it was important for me to rest too because it was not fair if my husband got home e