Wise words on Mommy Culture
I appreciated Catherine's post yesterday:
Do you struggle with this or something similar as well? If so, how have you learned to find a God-honoring balance in your life?
Sometimes it seems that Mommy Culture is particularly susceptible to all-or-nothing-ism. In our devotion to our particular pet causes and methods (many children or few, natural childbirth or not, breastfeeding or not, cloth diapers or disposable or potty training your newborn, sleep training or not, spanking or not, homeschooling or private school or public school, just to name a few from the endless list) it becomes increasingly difficult to be honest about the drawbacks or frustrations we're experiencing, as if by admitting we're having a rough time we are selling out our issue.Well said and advice I need to continue to work on heeding in my own life. I especially struggle with finding the balance between being real while also being encouraging as a blogger. I want to build up women in their callings while at the same time being open and honest about my struggles and weaknesses--which are many. But how to strike the balance? It's something I'm definitely still working on!
I do this all the time and I think it's unfortunate, because by glossing over my struggles and staying at a superficial level with people, I miss out on the wise counsel and perspective that other people can give.
Certainly I don't think we should all jump up and start complaining about everything or airing our dirty laundry to the world wide web. I think there is benefit to being cheerful and content whatever our circumstances. Sometimes it's very encouraging to read about someone who is really gutting it out with a commitment to something, as it gives me confidence to keep pressing on. However, sometimes it is nice to stumble across someone who can admit the downsides to something while still affirming the worthwhile nature of the cause in question.
Do you struggle with this or something similar as well? If so, how have you learned to find a God-honoring balance in your life?
Labels: Mothering
posted by Crystal Paine at 3:42 PM
10 Comments:
As I have started blogging I have thought about this often. I joke that blogging is really a look through rose-colored glasses into people's lives. It is rarely a truly real view.
However, I tend to be a middle of the road person, and while my blog does tend to focus on the positive in our home, I do share about the struggles as well. God has taught me so much through the tough times that I can't stay quiet about them. The lesson often comes in the midst of the struggle, so to share the lesson without the struggle loses some of the impact.
Your post has also prompted me to go finish the post I started earlier today about the tough morning we had and what God brought to mind through it. It is definitely important to share both our victories and our challenges, without sounding boastful or complaining in the process (another challenge in itself).
Thank you for bringing this to mind,
Erin
God honoring balance..... hmmm.... I think that being real can be a real challenge in the bloggy world... we want everyone to like us!! Isn't that why we have hit counters to see how popular we are?? I have touched on this topic on my blog in the past... It is a daily challenge. One thing that helps me is my real life group of friends. I am part of a "mom's group" bible study that meets one morning every week. We study God's word together and we talk honestly about our challenges. We can encourage one another and be real at the same time. When I write my blog I write with deliberateness that when my real life "mom's group" friends read my blog they won't wonder who I am.... my blog should be an accurate representation of the real me... not just some "perfect" or "dramatic" version.
On my blog, I think it is a daily goal of mine to be "real", honest and not pretentious. My blog might always be "dust and clutter free", but my home isn't. Keeping my priorities in tact is also an important thing. Being real helps me to stay grounded with the fact that if I were to die today the blog world would miss me for about 2 minutes, my real life world would feel the loss for years.... where should my priorities be?
I have probably gotten off topic, but not hiding behind "perfect" on a blog is important, but airing all dirty laundry isn't appropriate either.
I think there is a difference between mindless complaining and seeking to sort something out. Admitting that something isn't working, asking for help...those are all great things to do. Maybe something isn't for your family but you've felt pressured to do it. Maybe it worked for a season, but seasons change. Getting feedback from others can help us see those things in a positive manner. Now mindless complaining once in a while may have a place too, but day after day of it...not good.
I do not have my own blog, but am a frequent reader. While I admit that the main reason I visit the blogs I visit is because I find them motivational and a real encouragement - I don't necessarily think it needs to be all lollipops and roses.
Like a previous comment said, many times the Lord teaches us the best lessons in less than ideal circumstances. If our motives are pure, God will receive glory when we share our moments of trials.
I probably wouldn't visit a blog that was a constant run-on of complaints however when I read a post about a PJ Day or about the schedule falling to peices that day - it reminds me that we all have struggles and bad days.
I probably wouldn't visit a blog that was written by a perfectly perfect person with all the answers either. I wouldn't find that encouraging, I would find it disheartening as I realized how short my feeble attempts fall.
Just be real and use common sense. It doesn't gloify the Lord to be something that you're not whether that be in everyday life or in your blog. A good point for us all to remember.
Keep up the great work! Your posts are always challenging, thought provoking or encouraging and seem to hit right at areas that apply to my life!
Jenn
I think people have to realize that no matter what job you do there will be rough times. There will be something you are just not going to like about it. I have worked outside the home and believe me there was a lot I didn't like but I focused on what I did like.
We do need to hear the rough times but its how we get through them w/God is what is important. Not everything is perfect or we would be in Heaven. Life isn't perfect. It is all in how we handle them.
I have the same struggle in my blogging. I do tend to keep my blog towards and positive and encouraging side, but I try to put in the odd post here and there, confessing an area I am struggling in or something that just didn't work out as planned. I want my readers to know that I am real, not a superwoman, by no means perfect. I want them to hear that I too have constant sin in my life and need the daily grace and mercy of Jesus.
I don't want them to put me on a pedestal and think that I am overly competent or have it all together. I think that as a reader, that might actually have the opposite effect, causing discouragement instead.
I've been reading your blog for probably a couple years now, and although I really enjoy the informative and encouraging posts, every once in a while I find it helpful to hear that you are real, have bad days, make mistakes or feel discouraged. It just helps me to relate and to not expect perfection of myself in return.
Thanks for your willingness to be real and vulnerable as much as you do- keep it up! I'll keep trying to find that balance myself!
I totally agree with simple family supper lady that having your blog open to friends who see you regularly in person and know you is helpful in "keeping it real." Also, Jennifer V had a good point about how no one wants to read a "perfect person's" blog about how everything is always wonderful all the time, but neither do you want to read a whiner's blog. I shoot for a mix of posts on my frustrations and struggles and positive posts about my love for my kids or ways I'm learning and growing as a homemaker.
I have found that my MOST encouraging mom friends are the ones that are open and honest about struggles and we can share solutions and encouragements for our daily little trials as moms. If a friend of mine tries to portray herself as perfect or never gives a hint that she is unsure or needs advice or struggles, I figure it is her loss; she is missing out on true and deep fellowship. Nothing binds my heart to my friends (in person or in the blog world) than to go through stuff together, both joys and sorrows and frustrations and to be honest with one another about our lives.
When I first started reading biblicalwomanhood, I felt like you portrayed the "perfect little Christian mom" persona and wanted to see more of "the real person." Over time and reading through the archives I realized that you are a mom just like everyone else and not trying to put on a show. I truly appreciate those posts you've done asking for advice or sharing hard times God brought you through. It helps build MY faith to see what God is doing in you.
Since I have started my blog I have found it easier to be more real. When I spend time putting my posts together it helps me be more honest with my thoughts and feelings. Also it is easier to be honest when I am not telling someone face to face. I don't see their reactions of disapointment when I struggle. On the opposite side of the spectrum I am so encouraged when someone leaves a comment that my struggle has helped them.
The main goal of my blog is to give God the glory for the things He has done for us, so if I give the impression that I am able to keep 'it' all together then I am saying that I good enough without God. Instead if I admit that I am a 'cracked pot' then God gets the glory for using me despite of my weaknesses and failings.
It is really worth being honest.
Michelle
I struggle with this daily, not just in the balance between keeping my blog upbeat yet real, but in comparing myself to other bloggers. I often feel guilty when I don't enjoy things that others enjoy, such as cloth diapers and line-drying my clothes. I tried them, and while they saved me money, they made me feel miserable. Right now, I am struggling with the issue of whether to homeschool or to go back to teaching and send my kids to the Christian school where I would teach. Sometimes I wonder who I really am. Do I want to do things because bloggers I admire do them, or because I want to do them? I have to constantly remind myself to look to the Lord for wisdom and guidance, and that I answer to Him for my family, not all my blogging buddies.
First of all, I don't feel like I've got enough experience or wisdom for me to blog in order to teach or edify anyone, so I don't worry too much about keeping it perky and positive. My blog is really more of a journal and a place to write thoughts out on issues, which helps me resolve them. So it ends up mostly being a blog about sharing my struggles and a few good ideas for others, and recording some mountain top experiences so I can remember them when I'm in the valley. Some will be kind and say that I'm bluntly honest, I worry that maybe that means I lack tact or discretion.
The few readers I do have seem to find it reassuring to read that I go through some of the same things they do. Some also think I've got some good thoughts which always amazes me- I think they are much too kind.
Since I regularly reread my own posts, I don't want to read a bunch of my own whining, either! I also try to not write anything I wouldn't want my real life friends to read (gossip or being judgemental of specific events), and I do have a few IRL friends that read my blog.
When I'm blown away by how 'together' someone is in their blog, I have to remeber to read their profile to see what season of life they are in and how many children they have, and then remember that I have no proof as to the accuracy of what they are portraying so that I don't feel like a total misfit. I also have to remember that we all have different skills, abilities, and situations, and we aren't to compare.
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