This is why you should never blog about something unless you are sure it really and truly works
I've been lax in participating in Works-For-Me-Wednesday recently because, ahem, I haven't really felt like I have many new ideas. However, Shannon's hosting a What-Didn't-Work-For-Me Day in lieu of her usual fare so this should be easy!
There's a whole list of things I could talk about that don't work for me: trying to survive on less than six hours of sleep at night, cutting out chocolate, not drinking enough water, overloading my schedule, grocery shopping with two little children when everyone is tired and hungry...
Instead of elaborating on those, I'll 'fess up and tell you one of the biggest flops I've had in my short mothering tenure--my grand idea of doing the infant potty training thing.
Kudos to those of you who have successfully potty trained your six-month-olds but it didn't work for us.
There, I admitted it.
Kathrynne would faithfully go every time we put on her the toilet from the time she was a wee little thing but it all hinged on us actually remembering to take her. Which meant that in order for said girl to stay dry I had to dutifully take her every 30 minutes.
How is this scatter-brained momma who often can't even remember to brush her own teeth supposed to remember details like that?
Yeah, I guess the books on the whole Elimination Communication phenomenon skipped over the simple part of how you're supposed to teach your six-month-old to tell you they have to go.
I was embarrassed to admit this for awhile seeing as I'd blogged about it and all. (Note to self: forgo blogging about anything in the future until you are completely, absolutely, 100-percent-without-a-doubt sure that it actually works.) But I guess now is as good a time as ever to admit my over-achieving, first-time mom flop.
The good news is that after working at it for two and a half years, I am happy to report that aforementioned girl is now completely potty-trained and rarely needs a reminder from me.
Our second-born, Kaitlynn, is almost eleven months old and hasn't a clue what the toilet exists for. And I think we'll be keeping it that way for at least a little while longer. Two and a half years of potty-training one child just seems a little much to me. Gulp.
There's a whole list of things I could talk about that don't work for me: trying to survive on less than six hours of sleep at night, cutting out chocolate, not drinking enough water, overloading my schedule, grocery shopping with two little children when everyone is tired and hungry...
Instead of elaborating on those, I'll 'fess up and tell you one of the biggest flops I've had in my short mothering tenure--my grand idea of doing the infant potty training thing.
Kudos to those of you who have successfully potty trained your six-month-olds but it didn't work for us.
There, I admitted it.
Kathrynne would faithfully go every time we put on her the toilet from the time she was a wee little thing but it all hinged on us actually remembering to take her. Which meant that in order for said girl to stay dry I had to dutifully take her every 30 minutes.
How is this scatter-brained momma who often can't even remember to brush her own teeth supposed to remember details like that?
Yeah, I guess the books on the whole Elimination Communication phenomenon skipped over the simple part of how you're supposed to teach your six-month-old to tell you they have to go.
I was embarrassed to admit this for awhile seeing as I'd blogged about it and all. (Note to self: forgo blogging about anything in the future until you are completely, absolutely, 100-percent-without-a-doubt sure that it actually works.) But I guess now is as good a time as ever to admit my over-achieving, first-time mom flop.
The good news is that after working at it for two and a half years, I am happy to report that aforementioned girl is now completely potty-trained and rarely needs a reminder from me.
Our second-born, Kaitlynn, is almost eleven months old and hasn't a clue what the toilet exists for. And I think we'll be keeping it that way for at least a little while longer. Two and a half years of potty-training one child just seems a little much to me. Gulp.
Labels: Mothering
posted by Crystal Paine at 12:13 PM
31 Comments:
You sweet thing! Aren't you glad that time and failures remind us that we are dust and (hopefully) increase our grace and mercy with others? Now if it would also teach me the discernment of when to keep my mouth shut!
As for potty training, I found that what was extremely successful with one didn't necessarily transfer to the others.
Love this post. Thank you for sharing. i ignored potty training with both my girls until they pretty much demanded it. and they were both trained in about a week. I know this isn't everybody's experiance as each child is different. But I can't tell you how much help an older sibling was in training my younger one. (demanded to come out of nappies just after her second birthday. "NO NAPPY, PANTS!") She had a great role model and just followed her sisters lead.
Hope it goes quicker this next time, whenever and however it happens!
Crystal,
What a joy it is to read about another mom bitten by the "overachievement bug!" Those poor firstborns, they are the subject of so many experiments!
I was a former parent educator for the Parents As Teachers program that exists is some states. We had an interesting hand-out that stated the following evidence...often children who are exposed to potty training methods "early" ultimately train LATER than those who begin to receive potty instruction beyond age 2. And the ultimate result...most kids potty train at about...well, 2 and a half!
Your sweet daughter managed things right on schedule! Good girl!
With our three children, the "light" has gone on at 2 1/2, 2 1/4 and 2-and-not-yet! :) Ha!
A good friend continues to struggle with her own issue...which is her 8-year-old son who cannot remain dry at night. I think if more moms would admit such things, it would certainly be a comfort to other moms struggling along with the same issues.
We learned, for example, that our firstborn needed LOTS of touch and frequent breastfeeding, coupled with very little sleep. Slowly things turned around, and we are now blessed with a flexible and friendly 8-year-old girl who sleeps all night...it did happen, eventually! I find that when I admit to other moms that my firstborn was colicky, breastfed every 20 minutes and slept about 20minutes a day (I jest, of course, but it did sometimes seem that way) MANY are relieved and are able to open up honestly about their own struggles with an exhausting, "non-textbook" newborn.
Kudos to you for your openness!
Bless you!
Crystal, you make my laugh!!! I love your vulnerability! My really good friend was a missionary in Vietnam and all the women over there assured her babies could be potty trained and she tried it and it FLOPPED! So, you're not the first American woman to have it not work for! lol And, quite honestly -- I'm impressed the you even TRIED -- I'm not that adventurous! :)
I appriciated this post because it didn't work for me either!
While still pregnant with Chloe (my first) I read a lot on infant potty training and planned to do just that. I talked about it wiht friends and family and was of course over-ambitious as a first time mom planning this, cloth diapering and a number of other things.
Thanks to Kushies (Kooshies) - the cloth diapering went fairly well but for the potty training, I just couldn't seem to remember to give her the opportunity to go all the time. Thankfully everyone else seems to have forgotten my grand ambitions and it is only me that knows what a flop that was for me :)
She is now 16 months old and just started walking a few weeks ago. We are going to begin potty-training in the next few weeks and hope to sort of have the basics in place by the time baby 2 arrives in August.
Any works / didn't work for me ideas on potty training would certainly be appriciated :)
Jenn
Oh the wisdom we aquire as we have more children. I didn't even attempt to potty train my fourth child. He started when he was ready.
I believe this potty training process can work, but I wouldn't even attempt to try it in our culture. The success stories I've read are primarily in different cultures - not the fast-paced, needing to attend this meeting, that sporting event-type of lifestyle that so many have in the States.
Like so many, we started what I now think was waaaay to early with our oldest. We wasted a lot of time on that we could have spent on other things (grin). Live and learn! No. 2 was quite slow about any interest (he was also a late bloomer in other areas) so around his 3rd b'day I caught his attention by putting a training potty in the backyard, where he loved to play trucks. He thought that was *hilarious* and within 48 hours was using the regular toilet inside the house. By No. 3, we bought her Little Mermaid underwear when she was 2-3/4 and told her she could wear them when she was ready not to use diapers anymore. Instant "training" -- so easy! And I don't even remember what happened with No. 4 but I think he caught on more quickly from the older siblings.
I came to the point of view that waiting until they show interest -- or gently pushing by finding a way to make it interesting when you know they are really old enough -- is the easiest for all concerned. It's such a very short time in our lives as parents. JMHO, of course!
Best wishes,
Laura
Yep, I am with Amy--if you wait till they are a little older and they are "ready" it goes soooo much faster. I truly waited till my boys were ready and it took about a week or less--My oldest only had one BM accident ever! So to me that is a great success!
My second one took a little longer to be "ready" than my first but again, when he showed all those common signs (hiding behind furniture, physically being able to pull up/down pants, wanting to try to wear "big boy pants") It simply took just a few days and he was done. My third never even
"trained" He just started wanting to go and did it--no accidents ever! He was the best of all three--so now with my 4th son I am sooooooo much more relaxed I don't even sweat that sort of stuff anymore--they all get it :) So hang in there and don't fret, enjoy the bliss!
Now if only my 5 year old would wipe himself!
Bless you for your humility, Crystal!
That story is so funny
I did almost the same thing with my first born. I potty trained her for about 2 years until I was put on bed rest with my third baby. Since she and her sister were spending the day with their grandma (thank heaven for grandmas) I gave up on the potty training thing and sent diapers. Once the baby came and we were all home together she told me (she was three at the time) "Mom, I want to wear big girl panties". I said ok and she was potty trained. With my other 4 children I have approached potty training with a very relaxed attitude, they will potry train when ready!
Potty training can be frustrating but I think that 2 1/2 is great! I have tried with my son for a very long time. Finally at 3 1/2 he is starting to get it. He still has an accident or two every day. 3 1/2 is extreme,and it's been frustrating. But he did not want to do it until now. I hope my younger son will catch on sooner!
My girls are now 14 & 19...obviously potty trained. As soon as they were able, I started having them carry their own diaper bag. You know,one of those small ones that only fits one diaper and a wash cloth. I just told them that they could carry it util they were ready to be done with it. It took both of them about a week. After that my first one always wanted to carry a purse ...it was cute.
Enjoy every age. They are such blessings.
LOL! You know, after my first which I did about a year of potty training and when he got it, he got it! i even had my MIL who is from Russia who trained babies, tell me to give up and wait with him, anyhow, i discovered that the easiest thing for me to do was wait until they basically trained themselves! Low and behold, I did not need one more thing to stress over.....it is a little hard for me when other moms would look and say "He is not potty trained yet?" He was 2.5! They have all been different ages, but it is so much easier! My sister did the EC too and discovered same as you and her second daughter had no clue about a potty and was potty trained at 2 years old, overnight with little or no accidents!
I had a *very* relaxed attitude when potty training my son. In fact, he wasn't fully trained(BM's were an issue) until after he turned five. I don't feel like I was being lazy - its just that I *truly* didn't mind changing diapers! Of course, I only have 1 child.....
Isn't it amazing what we parents learn along the way! My children stubbornly waited until 3! With my son one day he refused to take a nap, so I said no nap no diaper! Boom done! Dry ever since! Kids are amazingly complex and I am tired!!!!!
My theory on potty training is that if I'm not the one changing the diapers (or buying them) then it's none of my business. It's sad to see people hinting at a mom's "incompetence" because her child isn't potty trained... :|
We did EC with Yehoshua and it went about how yours did with Kathrynne. With the next child, I decided to forget about EC (too time-consuming and our house was too cold to not bundle him up!). Incidentally, the non-EC child potty trained himself at 25 months (though he is VERY independent in every aspect, so I'm not too surprised!).
I think every child is different, though! :)
Oh my, I can't even imagine trying to potty train an infant! Way to go for giving it a try. :) You're braver than I am! I absolutely love motherhood...most of it. Potty training is the one and only part that I can't stand. My son has by far been the hardest, but he was potty trained before 3. Daughter #1 potty trained just after her second birthday, and we are working on daughter #2, who will be 2 next week. She's ready, but she has one problem...me. :) I'm having a hard time getting motivated!
Ahaha...okay, I can't always manage to get my teeth brushed--and I don't even have kids!
Glad to hear I'm not the only one. :)
Thank you so much for being real. I believe if we all were real with each other that we would all be more encouraged! My 3 1/2 year old son has so little interest in potty training...no, let me rephrase that...such an insistence against potty training, that I have begun to think I will send him to college in diapers! lol We will ask him, "Do you want to go on the potty?" He will reply with a firm "NO". We will proceed to go through, "Does Mommy use the potty?" and he will reply, "yes". Then we will ask the same question inserting the name of everyone he knows and he will reply the same. Finally we will say, "Does Timmy go on the potty?" And he will just smile and say "NO". Bless his heart. The truth is I have stopped being worried about it. I know he will get there....eventually, and I don't have the energy to fight that battle.
If it helps at all, I don't consider a child to be potty trained until they can go by themselves. That means know when they need to go, get to the bathroom, take off necessary clothes, go, wipe, put clothing back on, and wash up. Until then, the parent is trained not the child.
Thanks for being humble (and humorous) and sharing that with us.
80)
Mary Beth
Funny!!! I agree...two and a half years of pottty training is indeed a bit much. I'm so glad you ahred this one. I needed a good laugh!
I did this same thing when I tried a new type of homeschool curriculum. I thought I was loving it and blogged about it how great it was. Then got to a part of the book that was less-than-desirable. I had to recant the whole post before it and felt so stupid.
Christy
I completely echo the comments that talk of waiting until a child is ready. I think it's much better to wait until the child is showing signs, rather than pre-determining when we want them to start potty training. For us, we waited for our first one to give us signs and when we felt he was ready, we put him in underwear. He had one wetting accident an hour later and one the next week and that was it! He's been fully potty trained since then, without any accidents and without any need for reminders to go. From what I've observed, starting too early means much more work for mom, a much longer process and many more accidents.
I had never heard of potty training babies until I already had (and successfully potty trained) three children. I like my own potty training style and it has always worked beautifully for us so I never tried this different way. I would never be able to remember to take a baby potty every 30 minutes either! ha!
Thank you for your sweet humility! Your blog is a joy and an encouragement!
It's so much harder to do elimination communication with the second child. I'm trying but since it was frustrating me, I definitely scaled back.
My son was completely potty learned around 16 months though so EC did work for us the first time around. However, I hadn't even started until he was 8 months old so I figure if I really need my four month old to train, I'll start then again. If it is still frustrating, I'll back off and wait for a year.
First of all, Bless your heart Crystal! I always wondered how that worked out since my two girls have trained at 2 3/4(all by herself actually, besides all my trying before hand) and 4(eek!..just in time for a new baby). You bless me with your ability to share what works AND what doesn't! Thank you!
Second, this is for commentor "Heaven for Beginners"....
'We learned, for example, that our firstborn needed LOTS of touch and frequent breastfeeding, coupled with very little sleep. Slowly things turned around, and we are now blessed with a flexible and friendly 8-year-old girl who sleeps all night...it did happen, eventually! I find that when I admit to other moms that my firstborn was colicky, breastfed every 20 minutes and slept about 20minutes a day (I jest, of course, but it did sometimes seem that way) MANY are relieved and are able to open up honestly about their own struggles with an exhausting, "non-textbook" newborn.'
Thank you for this bit of info. I have a little guy (15 months old)that still nurses rather frequently and eats not too much solids, and sleeps sparingly! It is encouraging to read what you have to say here. And if you have any advice..well I'd love to hear about it:-)
Blessings,
Sommer
Hi Crystal :-)
I think it is wonderful that you did what you could EC-wise. Great job! Taking a break is not wrong or considered a failure. It is hard work and without much examples (and encouragement) around us, that can make it all the more confusing and sometimes discouraging.
If you ever decide you're ready again and with any blessing you have, you already have your experiences to guide you.
Before our first child was born all I knew diaper-wise was by using disposables. I helped my mother care for two of my younger siblings. When my husband was very motivated about using cloth diapers and ECing (we read about it online two weeks before our first arrived) I was quite nervous.
I will admit that I've cried over my exhaustion and had points of self-pity because others around just didn't understand. I have learned over the last few years not to be bogged down that way (even in terms of homemaking) and to ask the Lord for grace and strength daily. We all have our rough days now and then but we pick right up and move along.
As I read the comments here, I am glad that these women are here to comfort us. We are all trying to learn, in the process of learning or changing to a different routine in our roles as mothers and wives. How we would fail to need the Lord if we knew it all and had everything perfectly figured out. Praise God that is not the case. How wonderful that all is made for His glory.
I would like to be a voice of encouragement to you. ECing (or whatever you'd like to call it) does work. It is as hard as we have our minds to make it seem. If we find joy in teaching our children through a task (which requires patience, time, and a good attitude), we can face other things in the same light. I have found that even in the case of my natural childbirths to three and pottying them all.
ECing them all has been different in some ways and we are not "perfect" (getting every single pee) in the toilet (or other receptacle) but we are not stressing out. Like all "misses" in life, parenting, pottying, etc. we choose to look at the "catches" and find great joy in that.
Though our family is not a great success story, I'd like to share with you that our first would crawl to her potty or tug my skirt to let me know she needed to go. She did a few different things before her ability to crawl (or while being carried). This has been pretty much very similar to our second as well as our third (our first son too!). He just started crawling a few weeks ago and it is cute to see the new and additional ways he communicates with us.
Yes, having our children in panties long before they were two and even walking to their potty, pulling a cloth diaper or panty down, sitting to pee, and then getting up to lift up their diapers/ panties has happened with us at such a young age. We didn't have any goals but they have shown themselves capable. I believe we sometimes fail to realize how amazingly intelligent God creates even infants and young children.
All the credit goes to the Lord and the strength He provides even when I don't feel like cleaning something just yet, or pottying a child. He gives me grace and it has been helpful that it is a desire of my husband to be motivated in this very small aspect of how we care for our children. We enjoy our teamwork together, even in this.
Also, taking breaks are okay. Our patience and good attitude and truly loving what we do (even with a giddy attitude) will turn work into fun.
Crystal, you have my info. if you ever would like to reach me in the future.
Thank you for your hard work and dedication in not only your willingness to share many encouraging thoughts and material for God's glory but also demonstrating the fruits of the Spirit. Have a wonderful day!
By the way, I've enjoyed your recent blog posts very much on cutting back online and enjoying your children more. A few months ago we halted our website and blog of a few years and this great time has been so refreshing for me to do so much more. I just call this time amazing :-)
Hugs going your way. Please keep posting about things the way you do. I think you are doing a great job. If we ever had to "perfect" things before teaching (as a wife , mother, child, sister in Christ), then none of us would be encouraging each other in our times of great strength and wisdom. Go on, go on. Please go on dear Sister. Yes, go on.
Excited to be saved by His grace,
Franicia
LOL! I did that with my first as well. Thanks for making me smile. The title sure caught my eye.
Amy B
http://homeschoolblogger.com/bowofbronze
We potty trained all four of our children the summer before they turned three, so some were closer to two and others almost three. Within a week or two they were dry all night and day. I would much rather spend a couple of weeks with a child who can talk intensively potty-training than years using other methods.
Incidentally, we consider Pullups a terrible waste of money. Cloth nappies and towelling pants are much better as the child knows when it is wet (and usually doesn't like it).
Kate
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