Lovin' That Man of Mine: It's the little things
Motivated by your suggestions, I've decided to host a weekly (?) feature here with practical ways and ideas of how we can love, bless, and show honor to our hard-working husbands. My hope is that the ideas shared with inspire you to think of ways you, too, can encourage and build up your own husband.One thing I've been focusing on recently is blessing my husband by serving him in little ways--like rubbing his feet. He loves nothing more than to come home from a long day of work and sit down on the sofa and have me sit at his feet, pull his shoes and socks off, and massage his feet while we discuss the events of the day.
It's a simple gesture, but it's something that shows my appreciation for his diligent efforts to provide and care for our family. And it's also a way to help him wind down and relax from a busy and tiring day at work.
What about you? What practical ways have you been showing love to your man recently? Leave a comment with your suggestion or idea so we can all be inspired. [Remember this is a family-friendly blog with young readers so let's keep it G-rated. :)]
Graphic from AllPosters.com
Labels: Lovin' That Man of Mine, Marriage
posted by Crystal Paine at 5:59 AM
51 Comments:
Hi Crystal! Oh yes, my Beloved adores his feet rubbed also! I make it a priority to make sure my husband's clothes are laid out for him and the coffee pot is set & his vitamins are ready for in the morning. He rises very early; and years ago I was an awful wife and used to throw it up in his face that "I even lay your clothes out for you!!" Ugly, I was. But Jesus is so good........and these are the things that bless my husband, things he doesn't have to worry about. And I've learned my lesson; I will never throw daggers like that again and haven't in a long while! I am very, very grateful for the hard working husband God has blessed this family with!!
This is a great idea. One of the things I do is to always have the coffee pot filled and ready to go at the touch of a button. It may sound odd but it makes him feel loved and cared for and he knows I've been thinking of him since I rarely drink coffee.
I know this doesn't sound incredibly romantic, but it's something that my husband appreciates immensley. Our dog has diabetes and my husband hates giving him his shot, so most days unless I'm ill or away I make sure to take care of our dogs medical needs.
-Jen K.
My husband loves a good back rub. I also tend to love him with food... but I really love to cook and bake! He's a teacher and coach, so I am able to support him in those roles by grading papers, cooking for his ball teams, etc. I look forward to more on this series. Thank you. Amy
It's the 'little things' I'm working a lot more lately, too! :) Like back scratches. He loves his back scratched, so guess what? I'm actually.....drum roll, please......growing my nails out! lol I have always been a nail biter, or my nails would break and split. However, I knew my husband would love his back scratched even more if my nails were longer, so I asked a friend to give me a manicure (she's great at it!) and slowly the last couple weeks, they've been growing and I have white at the tips now! I'm not looking for long, long nails -- at all -- but just to have some has excited him and it's made scratching his back all that more pleasurable! Yeah! ;)
He leaves very early for work, so I get up each morning and make his lunch and a hot breakfast and have his coffee waiting for him. Some mornings I really don't want to get up, but then I remember that he works in very hot weather all day, so that I can be with the kids. So that seems like the least I can do for him and help his day start with Love!
I've been doing some more thinking and have a couple more things to add to my previous comment. One of the things that blesses my husband most is when I sit WITH him to watch a movie or favorite tv show (we only get ONE channel, so our options are limited) at night after the kids are in bed. Then he doesn't feel guilty for sitting while I scramble trying to do everything that didn't get done throughout the day. The other thing is to really try to have as many "chores" done as possible before he gets home. Otherwise he feels like he needs to help me catch up in the evening.
I enjoy reading everyone's ideas. Amy
I make sure my husband favorite basketball games are Tivo'ed on both the living room tv and the bedroom tv, that way he doesn't have to miss anything.
My DH is an "Acts of Service" love language person so Tivo-ing for him means a lot. Simple things he appreciates: having his shirts on hangers in a way that takes very little time in the morning, having dinner ready when he gets home, keeping the laundry caught up.
If I didn't do these things, he wouldn't say a word but I know he appreciates when they are done.
One thing I've been working on recently is finding ways to show my husband love and respect that speak to HIS love languages rather than using mine, which aren't the same ones! I realized that while he appreciates the "acts of service" I do that mean love from me, he really feels more blessed by encouraging words and touch.
Bringing home the occasional snacks, desserts or soda that he likes, even if they don't fit into my idea of "healthy & wholesome!"
Hello,
What a great topic!
My husband is a night owl, but many days he has to be up early for work. He has a very physically demanding job and is often exhaused when he gets home.
I do a few things to be a blessing to him related to his job.
#1. On days when he doesn't have to get up early I am extra quiet so he can sleep later
#2. As soon as dinner is finished he likes to take an hour nap. I turn the phone off and keep the house quiet so he can enjoy 1 hour of rest to recharge.
#3. I help him unload his truck from the days' work. When we are done, I bring him a cup of coffee and we sit in the lawnchairs and talk for awhile before supper. He likes to unwind this way.
I can't wait to see what everyone else shares!
Trixie
Smiling at my husband, giving him some kind of wifely affection (privately of course), giving his hands a lotion massage, and teasing him with my quirky sense of humor are ways in which he really feels loved.
Since our guys are all quite different, what I do probably won't matter much to other guys, so what I've done over the years is to ask my beloved what things I do that make him feel loved, special, appreciated. Sometimes a man will answer with things that will puzzle us, but it's a worthy question.
One of the things that I have been working at lately is to make my meal planning based more on my husband's preferences.
Not too long ago, I sat down with a huge list of all the recipes that I use, and asked him to honestly rate each of them out of 10 (you have to be a bit thick skinned to do this!). I got rid of anything that was below a 5 or a 6, and made note of those that he rated above an 8.
The result was a much refined list, and a much better idea of what my husband really prefers to neat. Now, I have it organized (red meat dishes, vegetarian dishes, salads, etc.) and I use these lists for doing my meal planning each week, and I know that I will be making things that he enjoys.
I know my husband hates to come home from work and be bombarded with needs from the kids or me or a house not just physically messy but mentally (kids fussing/fight etc.)
I do my best to have it clean and presentable. I try to meet him with a cheerful face. The kids are reminded that dad is coming home, give him a break before you present your needs/wants (usually they are computer tech related, he's a database administrator by profession).
He has said many a time how much he appreciates coming home to a peaceful environment. So I do my best to make it that way as much as possible.
Wow these are great ideas! My husband loves to have his coffee brewing when he wakes up (self-timer on the pot!). I never realized how much he appreciates me preparing it the night before! Also, he really appreciates when I mow our lawn.
We take 15 to 20 minutes of alone time as soon as he comes home from work. He says hello to the girls and heads off to change and relax for a few minutes before heading into all things Daddy. We've been doing this since our oldest was about 2. It doesn't "always" happen, somedays I'm needed else where so he can still catch his breath. It also gives him a chance to inform me of what he needs and/ or wants me to know about his day.
Whole Wheat Chocolate Chip Cookies-He needs them every week and goes through withdrawls if I get busy(okay we all know he could survive without them, but why should he?). Spending time with him in his world. Computers, garage stuff, taking an interest (which is not at all hard to do) in the cool things he comes up with to make our lives better here.
This is a very simple thing but very important: clean underwear. My husbands so appreciates having clean underwear and t-shirts folded and in his drawer.
Another thing is making sure his favorite cereal is always in the house.
After 27 years of marriage, these are still the things that make him smile.
My husband loves for me to have everything ready for him so he can get up at the last minute and be out the door for work with little stress. So I try to have his work bag packed, his lunch made, shirts ironed and fresh coffee ready for him to just walk out the door. In the winter I like to have the car started and warm for him and the windshield scraped off. I love serving my husband. It truly is the little things that make such a difference in our marriage. I don't do these things to get something in return, but what I get far outweighs anything I do for him. He loves me, and he tells me so numerous times a day and shows me in so many ways. I am truly a blessed woman.
I'll try not to copy other peoples' ideas, many of which my hubby also enjoys!
Some ideas...
He really prefers to simply eat cereal for breakfast but prefers for me to fix it! I can tell a real difference in my own feeling and his when I opt to stay in bed (which is pretty rare).
One thing I do with my hubby (all hubbies are unique) is sit and watch video games while he plays. I do actually enjoy doing this, but it surprises me how much he likes having me there.
Another thing, I know it blesses him a lot when I give him a massage as he is falling asleep, especially if he's gone on a run that day. He also enjoys falling asleep to the sound of my voice... so I have to be sure to talk about things that I don't really care if he comprehends!
It makes a big difference if I already know what I am going to send him for lunch that day, rather than being stressed out and eventually asking him to eat out instead.
He likes it when I come up with little surprises for him and get excited about sharing them with him.
Just a few ideas! I love this kind of stuff-- my hubby is definitely an acts of service kind of guy.
Blessings, sisters!
I did a post about this recently, http://momzoo.blogspot.com/2008/04/what-man-needs-part-ii.html doing this has helped my marriage so much. My husband has been so much kinder and more attentive to me since I have been giving him a soft place to land.
I have posted on this very thing! Mine is a commitment to stop nagging him about his shirts always being inside out in the washing. SO I ma blessing him by not doing something!
http://amyplunk.blogspot.com/2008/06/blessing-my-husband.html
Hi, Crystal!
Periodically, my dear one travels far away for a day of work. Tonight is one of those days. He will come home quite late, after the children are asleep. So, I have made a special meal that I usually can't fix (too spicy for little tongues) and we will enjoy it together, even though it may be 10 PM before we can eat. Saving a little energy to share time with him at the end of his very long day should be very special for both of us!
Thanks for the great ideas, everyone. I'm going to give the foot massage a try.
Blessings, Sherilyn
Lately I have been making an extra effort to make myself look good each every day. For years, I've only applied make-up and dressed in something reasonably decent if I was leaving the house for some reason, but I now apply basic make-up and some scent most days and over the past few months have made and purchased clothing that is still comfortable and practical but is also feminine and pretty.
While my husband loves me regardless of what I am wearing, I felt that if it was only important to look good for other people, it was another way I was too easily putting others before my husband, putting more effort in for complete strangers than I was for him.
Since my husband works from home, I take him coffee regularly and I have home-baked treats for him to nibble on. I know he really appreciates this.
Sorry...the one thing my hubby HATES is having his feet rubbed. He's incredibly ticklish. That's fine with me too: I HATE feet. Yuck. If he wants to rub mine, fine, I don't mind. But I've tried with him, and he gets irritated because he thinks I'm trying to tickle him. ;)
Usually, I make him his favorite 'Big Boy Drink' when he gets home. He'll sit down and play with the baby, stretch out a bit, and sip on his drink.
I've found that doing little things for him and not just handing the baby to him while I retreat for an hour of "Deedle" time right away when he gets home is helpful. We all need our time - I give him a good hour after he gets home to decompress, and then I get an hour at some point in the evening, if not more, since I've been 'baby-wrangling' all day. He reciprocates my affections much more readily now that I anticipate the little things...as opposed to me having to ask him to watch the baby while I go take a bubble bath.
I love the give and take of marriage...:)
ooohh...Hand massage with lotion...I didn't think of that! DH works with tons of paper all day, and that dries his hands out. I'll have to try that.
What do you ladies think of the "5 Love Languages" book? I was thinking of getting it from the library, but don't want to waste my precious reading time on something not so good..
I second getting up early. My husband really appreciates me fixing his lunch for him and having a hot breakfast ready. My teenage sister-in-law, who is living with us at the moment, asked why I was getting up so early just to make him breakfast when I could sleep a few more hours. It's because I love my husband and want to show it. He does a lot for me; I can get up earlier to show my thankfulness since it means a lot to him.
Another way I show him that I love him is by tucking notes in his lunch box, wallet, pants pockets, etc. They aren't long, just a sentence about something I appreciate about him, and I write them ahead of time whenever I have a spare minute while I'm cooking dinner. He always looks forward to them and usually lets me know if I skip a day. :) Whenever he's traveling over night, I hide longer notes, candy, paper hearts, etc folded into his clothes. It's a nice surprise to look forward to while he's away from home.
Looking forward to reading more ideas from everyone else.
My husband helps out around the house a lot, but I was always nagging him because while he washed and folded his own laundry, he never put it away. I have stopped nagging him and have just started to put it away for him. I know it isn't a grand gesture, but to me (and possibly to him) it is!
Amanda
I have a very different kind of family. I am home because my husband and I feel that its the right thing for our kids although not what makes me happy. All my gifts and talents lend themselves to office work. So my spouse knows that anything I do around the house is outside my comfort zone and that I naturally "stink" at it and that it sucks great amounts of energy from me leaving me tired and unhappy. He appreciates all my efforts.
We've worked on arranging things so that I can do somethings that I'm good at like the budget. So my gifts to him are to complain a lot less about his cooking. To make sure that his kids are "alive" (his words) when he comes home.
Because we are living on his salary alone we can't afford the things that bring me happiness in life like read books (nearest library is $10 in gas) and eating out. I'm doing my best not to "punish" him for my unhappiness.
He also lets me have three hours off lately in the evening when he comes home from work. This gives me time to refresh and improves my outlook in life. When he goes back to school though I will lose this time. I haven't brought that up (he was supposed to graduate last semester but didn't pass one class.)
So basically I try to make his life better by trying not to make him feel like a failure. And trying to be less negative realizing that the setbacks we've experienced are shared and that the point of marriage is to help each other get through the problems that are thrown on us and sometimes we bring on ourselves.
I loved this post! Do more like this please, as I love reading your and everyone else's ideas.
One thing I do for my honey that he really appreciates is make sure he has a fresh towel. He ALWAYS thanks me when I put a fresh towel in the bathroom before he takes a shower. He really appreciates the "little things" so I have to make a conscious effort to remember to do things like this for him. "Acts of Service" must be his love language too!
I'm in the process of writing down (and posting!) 100 things EVERY MONTH that I love about my beloved husband, with the aim to get to 1,000 by his birthday in November. I've hit 500 now, and I'm still thinking of things (though, I must admit, it's getting tougher... one of the 'rules' is that they have to be individual and unique things, so I can't double up... or re-word *wink*
I started this little doo-dad of mine after I did a '100 things' post for our anniversary... and Adam floated on cloud nine for about 4 days. (If you are interested, here is the link to all the related posts... http://weblog.xanga.com/Abbas_princess/tags/athousandtimes/ ) Anyway, It was such a little thing, and it made him feel so loved and honoured, (and I figured a few things out too) so I put the challenge out to myself and anyone else who wanted to join in. Words of Affirmation would have to be the love language that most men have as their highest choice (I've found, by talking to other woves, etc) and I don't think we as wives realise that enough and/or act upon it.
Hi Crystal,
I do everything and anything I can to make sure my dear hubby feels loved and appreciated. I make sure he has hot coffee in the morning and when he gets home, I pick out and press his clothes to perfection daily, I make his lunches and pack his bag, I rub his feet or his back whichever he wishes very often, etc. etc. etc.
I do all of the things I do for him because I want to, because I find joy in making his life just a little bit easier. But I have gotten alot of flack from others for it and all too often I hear others say: I can't believe you do all you do for him. My husband would never expect that from me. And if he did I would laugh at him...
But my dear hubby doesn't expect these things from me and he doesn't take them for granted either. He is more than happy to take care of things himself if I don't do it.
I wish that the women I hear saying the above would give "going the extra mile" for their husbands a try because they may just find that it makes themselves feel wonderful too :)
Have a great day!
With the weather finally warming up, one of the best ways I can show him love is to keep the freezer stocked with homemade juice popsicles (even though I hate washing them and refilling them all the time). I also try to make meals he enjoys, as the budget allows, and give him shoulder rubs often since he has a very strenuous and physical job.
It's always my goal to have the house looking picked up and the table cleaned off when he comes home because I know he likes orderliness and clutter-free, but this is very difficult in a tiny place and requires constant effort!
One thing we recently started doing together is Facebook. We set up a joint profile and he loves to look it over each night and share comments with me and marvel at what old friends are up to these days. It's something fun we can share and often sparks long discussions. I try to get my e-mailing/blogging done during the kid's naptime so he can have the computer to himself in the evenings. I also try not to chat with friends when he's home as I want my time to be with him.
I periodically check on him by calling him at work. We like to converse when we are apart even if it is not real lengthy. I make him tea almost every morning and we take walks together and exercise together.
He wants to be in shape and I support him in his efforts.
One think i did when my husband was working is to meet him in the drive way each morning when he came home (he worked nights) Geting up early to make sure I was presentable and going out to greet him, made him feel like he being out working all night was worth it. For father's day I made him 4 pair of pajama type shorts to wear around the house. He has not stopped talking about them. He could not believe I made them for him. It was something very simple I made for him, but yet he appreciated it.
Here's what I do for mine
Make sure he always has cold soda in the refrigerator
Try to pick up his favorite snacks(pork rinds, Pecan Sandies and pistaschios) even though I try to keep the grocery budget down
He is a brick mason and loves a good hand massage at night with some nice lotion
I clip his fingernails(not sure why, I guess it's just the mothering part taking over)
He always loves a good backscatch and for me to scrub his back when he takes a bath
After he gets a good backscrubbing, I 'm usually the one that shaves his face(I seem to get razzed a lot on that one)
I'm sure I do more but it has all became secon nature, I don't really think about it.
Recently we started running together three days a week and also doing yoga most evenings. He didn't want to learn these things on his own, especially because he's been very busy at work, but I've been able to figure it out and just tell him what we should be doing. It's been a huge stress relief for both of us to work out more, and we're both in better shape too.
Jennifer
I really really enjoyed this post and the comments thread. It is truly lovely to think about the small things that married people can do for each other that can make a big difference in the relationship.
The theme I am seeing in this thread is that it has a lot to do with noticing the individual (even unique) preferences and needs of the other person. I learned early on that making a lavish, romantic candlelit dinner makes very little impression on my husband -- but he is in a great mood all day if I just sing along with him when he is taking a shower. So now I try to time my morning routine so that I am around when the singing starts. (OK, my husband is a little weird, but the point is to work with the weirdness.)
-- The Happy Feminist
ok, for some reason the link didn't all paste. It's: http://weblog.xanga.com/Abbas_princess/tags/athousandtimes/
I'm not one to share my "feelings" so lately I have made an effort to open my mouth and actually tell him how much I love him and appreciate him.
I have been specific -like your such a good Dad. Or your so great at fixing the car.
I also do things like bring him coffee or rub his back.
I sold my car
(that I barely used anyway) and bought him a motorcycle for fathers day.
You would think I am made of solid gold right now!
I give up *frustrated smile*
i like to cook. he likes to eat. :D
i cook to his tastes, and try not to worry about what other people think, becaase i know it bothers him if i spend all my time asking 'are you sure you like it?'
it can be hard to focus only on our husbands and not what the rest of the world thinks though. he mentioned to his workmate a few weeks ago that he came home just as i was pulling a couple of loaves of bread out of the oven. all the other guys started drooling, but one of the women he works with made some comment about not everyone having a slave at home to do everything.
it was quite hard to get over that. i dont much appreciate being called a slave.
but one of the best ways i can bless my husband is to block out the rest of the world, and not worry about what they think. he enjoys mu cooking and appreciates me being at home to bake him bread and look after our child, and everything else, and no-one else matters.
I just discovered his love language (Physical Touch)...after seven years! Thankfully, I've been speaking in that language and meeting his need most of the time, but is really fun to see him light up when I intentionally squeeze his arm or give him a hug.
I'd recommend reading The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman if you haven't already. It is very enlightening.
Kerry
ALWAYS having a smile when I greet him at the door.......(even when I don't feel like it).
I want him feel loved the second he walks into his door!
Blessings ~
I have found that giving him my undivided attention means so much. (Hard to do with a home business and three kids - but so crucial!)
I also make special treats that he enjoys, and I make meals that are appropriate for his special dietary needs without complaining.
I have found that it's so important to let him have the last word in deciding things without trying to change his mind.
These are some of the things that God is showing me that I can do to make him feel specal.
Great series and I look forward to more!
Gina in AZ
I asked my husband recently what I could do to bless him. He told me two things- making the bed, and having dinner in the works when he gets home. I was completely surprised that he cared about the bed being made, which is the most simple of household tasks.
He was so sweet about it and almost didn't want to say anything when I asked him. He knows that my days are full of caring for our 1yo daughter, doing at-home medical transcription, and just general household management. I asked him to trust that I would not be resentful of his requests and that I would do them because I wanted to bless him and not because he "told" me to do them.
My husband and I are in ministry and it really means a lot to him that I go places and minister with him. We have 3 small children and he understands how difficult that can be. He does not demand it of me so I try to be with him as much as I can. I enjoy it as well. =)
I'm not a big beef eater but Mongolians are (hubby is Mongolian) so I try to cook with beef more. The funny thing is, he's starting to like beef less and veggies more. =)
Hello everyone! I must admit this is a very hard subject for me. In our home, my husband is the thoughtful, affectionate one. He is a swing-shift worker and I work full-time outside the home and always have (still don't see many comments from those who are like me - come to my blog and talk to me if you are and let me know I'm not the only one out there!). When the children were younger, every second of every day was accounted for and consumed by someone other than myself. I got into a bad habit of relegating him to the bottom of the "needs" list. I have recently realized that I have not been attentive enough to him in many respects. He is an AWESOME husband. For example, on Memorial Day I thought he had to work as he packed a lunch and left at the same time he always does on the day shift. Later in the day he called me and said that he was coming home early. I heard him come in the front of the house and was walking through to greet him when I heard my mother's voice. (I know, I know -- I can hear your sniffles!) He had driven three hours each way to go and bring her to spend a day with us. . . . then turned around the next evening and took her home. I have lately been admonished by some friends that aren't so lucky in their choice of mates that I take him for granted. I HATE being inside the house when there is so much outside to enjoy, but I am trying to step it up on keeping things picked up because he hates clutter. I used to hate clutter as well, but relegated it to a lesser number on the to-do list because there just wasn't enough time in my day. I have always been the type of person who waits until the LAST minute to get up. He, however, gets up at least 1/2 hour early to take the dogs out and sit in the swing and drink a cup of coffee. The last few days I have been getting up with him and taking the dogs out for him so that we have more minutes to sit together and enjoy the view . . whether or not we talk. I have been surprised at how much this seems to mean to him. I am attempting to force myself to go to bed early (I'm a night owl) so that I can get up at the @*growl** crack of dawn to spend a few minutes with him. I am more of a loner, but he is definitely a people person. When he goes somewhere instead of staying home because I have "things to do" I have been dragging my sorry self along. In other words, just because our jobs force us to led sometimes separate lives, I am trying to sacrifice my time and routine to allow us to have a few more snatched moments together. Even if it means that I have to make up the time somewhere else in my schedule. I have always loved him, but I am trying to put legs on that love and do something outward with it rather than assuming that he knows. *sigh* Poor man. Such a simple, straight-forward, uncomplicated man living with a hard nut to crack like me!
Are you making this a series & when?
My family situation is, in general, the exact opposite of most of yours. I work and he stays home/goes to school. It's hard for me to do some of the little things that you all do because of that. One this that I try to do is to have the dishes done before I go on a crazy shift schedule because I know he hates to do it. I try very hard to let him know how much I appreciate all that he does for me and our son. I'm not always the greatest at it but I know he does a lot.
I've been converting his treasured preaching cassettes to CDs so he can listen to them in our new van!
You can read more at this post: http://frugalideasfromtheparsonage.blogspot.com/2008/05/blessing-my-husband.html
This blog feature will be a great motivation to keep me accountable to keeping my husband uppermost in my priorities!
I try to make sure we don't run out of something he wants - sweet tea, batteries, Doritos to snack on, shampoo - anything that he uses or likes around the house.
I also try to make it a priority to keep his clothes clean, ironed and put away.
He loves to get his back scratched - so I do that as much as possible too! :)
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