Lovin' That Man of Mine: Speak words of encouragement
"Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands." Proverbs 14:1Have you been building up your man recently? While I know that every man is different and has different needs, I think it is pretty universal that men need to be affirmed. They need to constantly be hearing words of encouragement, love, and admiration.
Proverbs 31:26 says of the virtuous woman, "She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness." I was recently looking at what that word "kindness" means in the Hebrew. Guess what? One of the meanings is "rarely [speaking] reproof". While I believe there is definitely a time and a place for a wise appeal or even a gentle, loving reproof, what characterizes our speech should be kindness.
I find it very helpful to ask myself each day, "How often have I built up my husband in my words today?"
Stop and put yourself in your husband's shoes: think of the stress he may be undergoing; think of the burdens he's bearing; think of the trials he's facing. When I do this, I usually overwhelmed with gratitude towards my husband for all he does!
If you find it helpful, you might consider making a list of at least ten specific things you are thankful for in your husband. Once I sit down and start writing, I often have trouble stopping at just ten!
Don't just think it these thoughts of gratitude or just write them down--take time to express them your husband. Verbalize to him every single day your appreciation for him and your admiration of him.
My husband tells me that it means the world to him when I take even just a few minutes every day to communicate how much I love him and how thankful I am for him. It's such a simple thing, but it can have profound impact on his day.
Since my husband is currently working in a job where he spends a large part of his day on the computer, I try to write him an email at least a few times per week for no reason but to tell him how much I love him and express gratitude for specific things he's done recently. It always amazes me how much this means to him. It might take me two minutes to compose and send and it often will put a smile on his face and a spring in his step for the whole day!
What creative ideas do you have for expressing admiration and appreciation for your husband?
Labels: Lovin' That Man of Mine
posted by Crystal Paine at 5:00 AM
27 Comments:
The number one rule for a happy marriage must be to bite back your criticisms unless they are *really* important. Most women can quite naturally fire off 20 of these a day about all manner of different issues. So I try, when an opportunity for criticism comes up, to remember the important things my husband does well instead of concentrating on some trivial thing I wish he'd do differently.
I love to find people who love their husbands as I do. I wrote a devotional not to long ago. It's here
http://homesteadersheart.blogspot.com/2008/02/have-you-praised-your-husband-today.html
It's along the same lines. Great post!
Blessings,
Kim
Crystal,
This is not creative at all, but I try to always say thank- you to my husband when he does something for me. If we go out to eat, I thank him for the meal and the nice time. The Lord convicted me a long time ago about how I would go out of my way to thank others for what they do for me, or give me, but fell short when it came to my own husband. Sometimes we can take them for granted. I also will write a quick email, saying thanks again for the beautiful plant you gave me for Mother's Day, or thanks for the time you spent with me at Starbucks, or whatever! Using good manners also rubs off on our kids. Mine are grown now, but I see them being very polite and considerate.
We also have a special Bible verse engraved in our wedding rings and for the last almost 32 years of marriage, every time we write each other a card, we always add the reference to the Bible verse.(I John 4:19) to whatever else we write n the signature. He adds a cross when he writes it to me, I add a heart to his! It's our very own way of expressing our love!!
Carla
Carla
Carla
My husband works in management and times being what they are he has to go in and make some tough choices that will effect families. Today, I simply told him I would be praying for him. Part of having wisdom is knowing when to use few words. His mind is not in the place where he wants to have any kind of "chat". So just a simple hug and the knowledge that I'm praying for him will I pray be an encouragement to him today.
My husband and I write emails back and forth all day long. Most of the time I send sweet "I LOVE YOU" emails. I will also throw in a few text messages. The sweet emails of encouragement far out number the "family business" emails/texts/phone calls. It is funny how technologically connected we are throughout the day. ;-) My husband says that when I shower him with praise, love, support, and encouragement he feels "ten feet tall and bullet proof."
Every now and then I sneak folded up notes into my husband's slacks as I hang them up, that way he will find them sometime when he is at work and be surprised by the note.
One thing I do is write a little note and put it in his wallet at night. Then the next day when he opens his wallet he finds a little "love" letter!
I also will email him and tell him who he is the best hubby , how thankful I am for all his hard work etc.. I also hide notes inhis truck or lunch box. Some time I leave a message on his voice mail at work.
One day he had a gentleman helping him , and he ask him to check the voice mails. My hubby said the man had a huge smile on his face and said WOW!! I wish my wife would leave me a message like that!
Sometimes the children will also leave a message too. My hubbys job is very slow right now and the company is planning a move. He is very stressed about this.
Lately in the morning(he is up at 4:45, so I drag myself out of bed & then go back to bed!!)
I have been giving him a kiss, I tell him I love him and I will be praying for him, I also tell him , it will be ok and I know God has a plan. He told me the other day that , thats what keeps him going everyday. So simple on my part! But yet it has such an impact on him. I think our hubbys really like the little extras we do for them!
Have a wonderful day, and go call your hubby today!!
It is amazing how affirmation blesses a man. My husband and I have been married less than two months, but I learned this by experience during our courtship. It's also amazing how just a few sharp words can change his whole demeanor, too. It really is so important to be careful what we say to our husbands...I know I am SO thankful for Ben, my DH, and all that he does. I need to remember to go out of my way to express my gratitude and love. Thanks for the encouragement in this area, Crystal!
This past Valentine's Day Walmart had a LOT of Christian valentine's cards with wonderful Bible verses in them. So I stocked up on lots of them and will randomly write Matthew messages in these cards and leave them around the house for him to find them. He always appreciates it. Thank you for all of your posts Crystal.
I mentioned before, that I'm currently on a goal to think up 1000 things I love about my husband before his 30th birthday in November. He's loving the posts as they go up. What he ~doesn't~ know,, is that I'm also writing them into a book {via blurb.com} with photos of him and myself, and he'll get it on his birthday so he has a hard copy as well.
I've listed the lists to date on the left side of my blog under his (very handsome!) photo.
My husband is a minister and works crazy hours sometimes. His desire is to be with all of us, but can't, so I try to speak positive words to the children about their dad right in front of him. He really likes that!
Rosa
I often will leave a note in my husband's lunch box or on the counter for when he leaves in the morning. I also try to always thank him for working so hard for our family (he has a physically demanding job and an almost 2 hour commute each way and is renovating our house right now so we can move in). I try to remember to make some specific comment praising him (you're so strong, you're so good with the baby). Not only does it lift his spirits, it makes me appreciate him more and makes me happier.
Christina
These are great posts. I do not have anything creative, but I have been thanking my husband a lot lately for all kinds of work around the house he has been doing. I praise him when he figures out a problem and tell him how much I appreciate his efforts to make our house so nice. It seems like the more I compliment him, the more willing he is to do the work!
Thank you for the reminder!
Wow- These are wonderful ideas. As a newly wed I am still basking in the glow, but my husband has been out of town this week and being home alone was a challenge. As long as I have been single I longed for the day not to be alone, but this time I had to fight enjoying my quiet time alone time. Once I reconized this was the devil trying to get me back into the mode of valuing my alone time I wrote a post and dedicated to my husband this week.
He loves when I post about him, or when I just simply call him up and ask him to pray for me. I belive validating his position as the head of our lives makes him feel proud.
Just a simple thing like asking him what he thinks about a decision I could make, or saying let me see what my husband thinks makes him feel secure that I am becoming interdependent on him vs holding on to the independence I had before him.
mrs. thomas ( aka singlemomforgod)
After being self employed for 8 yrs dh had to find work. This is hard on him. We still have working coming in so I have learned to work some of the equipment. I do this for him b/c he knows I hate doing it. But I don't want him to quit his job so I try and support him when I can.
B/c he works 2nd shift I try and not plan any appts. until he is gone for work. Even though he would like it if I would stay up and wait for him I can't. We talking midnight. I put his pj's in the bathroom so he doesn't have to rumage through his drawers. He worries about waking me up so he doesn't turn the light on.
I always make sure and give him a hug & kiss good-bye.
Well...I'm working on this. We had a rocky past 10 months, I'm not going to lie, after Liam was born. Sleep deprivation, stress, and just getting used to being 3 was hard for us. We were very much the type of couple that got used to being 'just the two of us' too easily
I've found though, one thing that blesses my husband is to not say a word - just sit, listen, and respond when he seeks a response. This is hard because I'm very much a talker, and very sharp-tongued sometimes. I've noticed how positively he reacts though when I listen, so I'm trying harder...
Also, Liam 'writes' Daddy emails during the day, telling him all about his baby adventures. I know DH loves knowing what we're up to, and what Liam's doing today - he said it makes work easier to bear. :)
Thanks for this, Crystal. As I grew up in a family that didn't verbalize much of anything positive, I find it really difficult to even remember to speak affirmation. I know that it would bless my husband so much if I could learn to communicate my love for him more often.
Since I find it easier to write in order to express myself, I really love the idea of sending emails. My husband also spends a good portion of his day on the computer, and I know that he would love to receive more emails from me. Thanks for the great idea!
I definitely think that words of encouragement are a critical area of communication for a couple. I'm constantly letting my husband know what his strengths are, how important and loved he is, and how we're happier just by having him in our lives. :o)
I tink that it's also important to be a reminder of God's love for your husband, as well. I leave him Scriptures in his cereal bowl daily since we don't see other before he leaves for work, and I tailor them to messages of love, support and uplift in the Word.
Great post Crystal and great thoughts in the comment area, ladies!
http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/plansandpurpose/
A fellow blogger lost her husband of 33 years in a drunk driving accident. She challenged her readers to blog for 7 days about their husbands. I took her advice and it has been uplifting for my husband and me.
I read your blog and was excited to see a similar message.
Grace and Peace
Jenny
Crystal,
I love these posts that you have been doing, in honor of your husband. This is such a critical thing for us to learn as wives. This has been so encouraging and I thank you for it. You have truly blessed my life in many ways and been a wonderful Titus 2 mentor to me. Blessings!
Thanks everyone for all the excellent tips!! I am an unmarried 24 yr. old living at home. I am constantly spurred on by this blog, and continually store ideas and insights in my head for that day when God sees fit to send me a husband! Thank you for having an impact on me as I prepare for the role of wife, mother, and homemaker!!
Blessings,
Jessica B.
Harvard, IL
Anytime my husband wants to show me something he has done for the home-- making birdhouses for the yard,helping with cleaning our home before friends come, or anything. I just praise and thank him.
I also have a routine of seeing my husband off for work almost every morning. I signal him- I Love You as he drives off. I flip the porch light on and off three times as he drives away. He knows it means I Love You.
My blog has daily devotionals for wives. honournandloveyourhusband.typepad.
com
I've been getting emails every day from www.reviveourhearts.com as part of a 30-Day Husband Encouragement Challenge. They've helped me become more creative, and more focussed, on encouraging my husband daily.
Crystal,
The Hebrew word "chessed" can be best translated, I think, as soft and loving kindness and willingness to do good.
This was a great post. Much needed, too. I'm off to write an email to my husband. :-)
Great post! I just found your blog and appreciate your topics.
A great way to affirm your husband is this:
While praying together, thank the Lord for your husband. Be specific as you tell the Lord what you appreciate about your husband. It is a great encouragement for him to HEAR you thanking God for him, not just praying for him!
My husband is a sushi chef and we both work in the family restaurant. I make sure to compliment him for whatever food he makes for us to take home. I'm so blessed to have married a man with such superb cooking skills! =) Cooking is such a passion for him and I know he likes it when he knows he's made something great!
-Jen K.
Post a Comment
<< Home