Help for the overwhelmed
I am having trouble with time management. Specifically, organizing all of the great ideas I have, managing projects, completing daily tasks, and the like. My house is organized physically (this is my strength), but I get overwhelmed with daily living. Any direction you can point me in would be great. -ElizabethFirst off, Elizabeth, I don't think there is any woman among us who never goes through seasons where she feels overwhelmed with life. I've had plenty of those myself. I know that when I start feeling overwhelmed, it is usually because of a combination of three reasons:
1) I am trying to do things in my own strength instead of resting in the Lord.
2) I am doing more than God wants me to do.
3) I am mismanaging the time God has given me.
The solution?
1) Stop trying to do things in my own strength.
We have a saying at our home which we often quote, "Stress is an indication you are not resting in the Lord." When I am feeling completely at my wit's end, Jesse will often remind me of this and it helps put everything in perspective.
God didn't call me to a life of stress and anxiety. Yes, there will be many hard things, many things which can overwhelm me if I let them, and many things which will stretch me beyond what I thought possible. But He has promised to never leave me or forsake me, to give me wisdom when I ask for it, to bear my burdens, and to give me grace sufficient for the need at hand.
I was listening to A Mighty Fortress is Our God a few days ago while overseeing Kathrynne playing nearby, carrying Kaitlynn in the sling, and putting the clean dishes away. I was meditating on the words to this song and all of a sudden, this phrase jumped out like never before:
"Did we in our own strength confide? Our striving would be losing..."
Having two little children has forced me, like never before, to realize how weak and needy I am in and of myself. I can't live this life God has called me to in my own strength, but I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me. Without His grace, I will fail.
So, first off, when feeling overwhelmed, I encourage you to go to the Lord and cast your burdens and cares upon Him. Ask Him to carry them for you and to give you the grace to live one day at a time. He is faithful and will answer us and help us, if we but only will ask!
2) Stop doing more than God wants me to do.
Often, I'm overwhelmed not just because I am trusting in myself, but also because I am taking upon myself more than God wants me to. It took me a number of years to learn and I'm sure it's a lesson I'll have to continue re-learning, but when I finally realized I can't do it all and there's no point in trying, it really simplified my life.
There are many good things to spend one's life on--many needs, many worthwhile causes, and many wonderful people. However, I am only one person and there is no way I can fulfill all the needs, support all the causes, or have close friendships with hundreds of people. But, I can choose wisely from the good things for what things are the best things for me to invest my life in.
So how do I discern what God wants me to be doing? For me, it starts with making sure I have my priorities in order. My desire is that my primary focus is: God, Jesse, Kathrynne and Kaitlynn, and keeping my home--and in that order. It's easy to think we have those things as our priority when maybe we really do not.
Here is a sort of checklist I use for personal examination to help me determine whether I am truly having my priorities in order:
First: God--If my relationship with God is not right, nothing else will be right in my life. So I try to examine often whether He is in first place in my life. Is He my All-in-All? Am I evidencing this by my daily life? Am I spending time reading His Word and praying everyday? Am I fellowshipping with Him on a daily basis? Is my life bearing fruit?
Second: Jesse--Are his needs being met? Is his love tank full? Have I shown him in practical ways today how much I love him, admire him, and appreciate him? Does he feel like he is the most important priority in life next to the Lord? (These are questions I try to ask myself and my husband very frequently.)
Third: Kathrynne and Kaitlynn--Am I being a loving mother? Am I putting the needs of my children before other less important things or are they having to wait on me to finish "my things" first? Do my children feel that I am often too busy for them? Am I spending quality time investing in my children's lives--teaching and training them up in the ways of the Lord and setting a Godly example before them?
Fourth: Home--Is my home a welcoming haven for all those enter into it? Does my family have nutritious meals to eat and clean clothes to wear? Is there order in our home or does chaos and clutter abound?
Now please know that I am no perfect homemaker, wife, and mother. Nor do I fulfill all of the above things perfectly all the time. However, my desire is that I don't just say my relationship with the Lord and my husband, home, and family are my priorities, I want to truly live it.
If I am neglecting any of these areas, I need to cut out any and all other "extra things" (volunteering, ministering to others, hobbies, etc.) from my life until I can once again have my priorities in order.
Next, I go to the Lord and my husband for wisdom concerning what they would have me to be doing. If I am feeling overwhelmed with life, Jesse and I will go over what I am currently doing and see what things we can eliminate or downsize. It is so freeing to have Jesse helping me make these decisions and give his input! I've found that if it weren't for his guidance, I would often be over-committing myself, so I am very thankful that God leads through him!
Hard as it is for me, I've learned that it really and truly is okay to say "no." In fact, it's a good thing to say "no" to those things which would detract us from the best things.
You only have one life to live. Choose wisely, choose well, and continuously be examining those choices in light of what is the best investment of your time for the glory of God.
3) Start managing the time God has given me more wisely.*
Not only is it vital that I rely upon the Lord for grace, and also important to eliminate things from my life which are not the best things for me to be investing my time in, it is also imperative that I seek to manage the time God has given me in the wisest possible way.
There have been many books and resources written on the subject of time management and I've read and gleaned from many of them. The thing that I have learned is that there is no one perfect system which will work for everyone in every season of their life. So don't try to pattern your home organization and family schedule as a replica of some else's. Determine what works best for your individual family.
I am a person with lots of ideas always rolling around in my head--new skills I want to learn, books I want to read, books I want to write, entrepreneurial ideas I want to pursue, home improvements I want to work on, events I want to plan, subjects I want to study in-depth, and on and on it goes. And then there is the never-ending list of things I want to teach and do with the girls. There is no way I can do everything but by using my time wisely, I can slowly chip away at this never-ending list.
At this season of my life, I have found that having a simple routine works best. I need structure and the girls need structure for our life to run in a somewhat orderly fashion, but with having little children, you can't be completely rigid just because there's lots of unpredictable things which come up in the course of the day! Life is never boring, that's for sure!
Our simple routine which includes all of the basic things we need to do in a day and/or week to survive--nursing Kaitlynn, showers/baths, meals, laundry, basic cleaning--and then it includes some things which Jesse and I feel are important that we include in the day--such as reading God's Word together, reading biographies and other good books to the girls, and teaching and training them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.
We don't always get to everything on the routine in a day, nor do we always follow it completely in order, but we use it as a guideline to keep order, structure, and stability in our lives. Without a guideline, chaos ensues.
In addition to the simple routine which I have typed up and posted in a prominent place and refer to often throughout the day, I also have a daily to-do list for myself which I write out each evening before going to bed, or in the morning as soon as I wake up. These are sometimes things which must be done (bills which need to be paid, phone calls which need to be made, and so forth) and also things which I would like to get to if I have time.
Most of the things on the list are things which I do "in the cracks"--using little snippets of time here and there which present themselves during the day. I rarely check off everything on my list in any given day, but I usually numerate the list so that the most important things get done first. If I get to nonessentials, wonderful. If not, that's completely okay, too. Nonessentials can always wait until tomorrow.
I've found that what works best for me is to use daily planning pages (I purchased mine through Franklin Covey) and put a month of them in my planner at a time. This way, if I think of something I need to accomplish later on in the week, or in two weeks, I can jot it down to be reminded on that day. And since these planning pages give you a two-page spread for each day, there is plenty of space to jot down all sorts of things. Right now, I am using them to plan everything--from jotting down complete breakfast, lunch, and dinner plans for the day, to blog post ideas which hit me while I'm washing dishes, to reminders to send someone a birthday card.
Above all, rest in the Lord, put first things first, keep it simple, don't over-commit yourself, seek to wisely invest your time, and enjoy living the wonderful life God has given to you!
Two books I read recently on the subject of time management which I would highly recommend are How To Have A 48-Hour Day by Don Aslett and Shopping for Time.
*A quick word here on time management: I think some times we can get so wrapped up into trying to "accomplish things," be productive, use every minute, and check things off of our to-do list, that we miss out on the simple joys of life. I try to evaluate all of my activities in light of, "Will this matter in ten years from now?" or "Will this matter in eternity?" Never be too busy "accomplishing things" that you overlook or neglect the most important things - the things which really matter in this life.
Don't live life at such a breakneck speed because you are trying to get a lot done, that you can't enjoy life and the people God has placed around you in the process. I say this because I have definitely been guilty of it many times in the past. For us Type A, driven overachievers, slowing down and stopping to smell the proverbial roses can be a really healthy thing!
Graphic from Art.com
Originally published July 2007.
posted by Crystal Paine at 1:00 PM
7 Comments:
What a great answer !!
I find for myself, if I am not seeking God's help my day just turns crazy. I also check my day and see if "everything" I think needs to be done really needs to be done.
I think many of us feel like we need to do everything, in a way I think we put pressure on each other! Some times we think we have to do this and that because someone else is doing that.
We need to do what is right for our family. I ask my self daily "Is this what God wants me to do, and how does it affect my husband and children".
I also agree with Crystal, saying NO is ok and can be good. My husband is always telling me this.
This past year I backed off from a lot of things and did say no! I did feel bad saying no the first few times ( you'll get the hang of it after a while) We had a great year!! I was not as stressed out, because my load was not as big!
Take time, pray and ask God to lead you, then go to your husband , ask him what he thinks/wants you to do. Share what God has laid on your heart with your husband. Sorry so long. I have been there! Hope this helps.
As a side note don't forget this week I am having a wonderful FREE giveaway!! Anyone may enter! So hop on over and enter!
Blessings-
Rachelle
This was really good....
Thank you so much for this wonderful answer. Over the last few weeks I have found my self exhausted from trying to do all, be all, etc. Your post was a wonderful encouragement and reminded me that I need to take time to slow down and enjoy the life God has for me. Thanks!
I have just bought a organizer called Amy Knapp's Family Organizer. I have found it nicely done. She also has a web site w/products www.thefamilyorganizer.com. I have been looking for something like this. They also have refills & a homeschool one.
I really needed to read this. Thanks for reposting. You have been such a blessing. :)
Great answer and great reminder for all SAHMs. I am a list maker - both my husband and my daughter tease me about my many lists. Although I find making my list for the day helps to focus me for that day, I had to come to accept that it was 'okay' that the list did not get completed as I originally planned.
As you mentioned, when I was getting frustrated and overwhelmed I talked to my husband about it. And he pointed out the obvious - there's always tomorrow.
Each day brings new challenges, unexpected tasks and the next opportunity to trust God.
Thanks for posting.
priority, we have to let the Lord set our priorities
I have an award for you, come and see!
blessings, Penny Raine
http://www.pennyraine.co/blog
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